Trainspotting

So..
Isn't this nice? Exams are over and all but one of my assignments are in. In theory, and probably more likely than I think, I can still fail this semester. For now though, It's 130 in the morning and I don't want to think about anything. Thinking is so tiring sometimes. It feels like I get so little real enjoyment out of life these days. I should have gone out tonight, but I stayed home and played games. Now that exams are over I feel like I'm allowed to play games now. I'm not really. When I go through something as tense and stressful as exams, after its over I lose all the tension and fear and I don't do anything. Which would be perfectly fine if I didnt have maths and philosophy tests this week. Let me not think on't.

I wonder about my writing a lot while I type. When I write like this, its kinda like I'm talking to someone. I think I overuse commas and in essays that probably breaks flow or something. I dont actually care, it just worries me. I getting really good at touch typing now (I say as I furiously backspace misspelt words) which is cool. Hmmm.

So yeah, games games games. And its annoying, because now I have all the time I want to play, I don't want to. I've started Duke Nukem Forever - biggest waste of 130 bucks I ever spent - and now I'm stuck at a point in the Black Ops singleplayer, bored with its multiplayer because I suck at it (remind me never to play shooters on consoles) and bored with COD4 as well. I downloaded TF2 now that it's free, but I haven't even launched it yet. What else? Basically I've got a shitload of games and I don't want to play any of them.

When I'm bored I'll often come up with stuff to put up here, and now that I've got a snazzy new phone I can write them down whenever I've got a moment. Here's one I wrote a while back, been meaning to put up:

Maybe it's a little different, wherever you may live, but all the train stations in my city have a yellow line painted near the edge of the platform. The idea, of course, is that you don't cross the yellow line unless you're actually getting in the train. Its a good little rule for mothers to tell their children, but me being me, I don't listen. My favourite thing to do is step past the line as the train gets close to me. The driver looks apprehensive, and then the train rushes past in a torrent of wind and metal. There's this terrifying rush of adrenaline and fear, the knowledge that if I move but a metre forward I will die. The wind makes my eyes water and its almost an effort of will to not jump back, away from this howling monster machine. When you take the train as often as I do, you forget its a hunk of metal going 40 kilometers an hour and you forget how powerless you are against it. Its important to remember that even if we create something, doesn't mean we conntrol it, or are better than it.

I typed all that up during - you guessed it - the train ride home on a program called Evernote. I admit I just copied and pasted from my Evernote account on the computer - its too damn late to type it up.

So yeah, that's all I got to say for my self. I'm now going to go to bed. Or not. With me I can never tell.
Night!

You're the one thing on my mind, but that could change anytime.

So..
EXAMS. ARE. OVER. (bitches)
My best friend is sitting behind me, Hilltop Hoods are playing, we have hot chocolates and my day has consisted of reading, relaxing and hanging out with friends.
Quickly, in case I want to refer to it later, my maths exams went shit, not sure if I'll pass, History I did well, English I owned the first part and screwed up the second a bit, Photography I did very well, Game Design I did ok and enjoyed it, Science was a bit if a bitch and French was annoying.

New music is:
Morgenstern by Rammstein, a real love song
Addicted by Bliss n Eso, a perfect song for the holidays about loving life.
Some okay Bring Me The Horizon stuff, a bit unintelligible for me.
Double Vision by 3OH!3
Cardiology by Good Charlotte. Their new album and I think it's quite good. I've probably talked before about my thoughts on Good Charlotte - they aren't a bad band, I just outgrew them. In deference to my old love of them I got the album and I am enjoying it. I'm also going to get Disturbed's first album re-issue The Sickness and I'm think about buying Running On Air, Bliss n Eso's new album that spawned Addicted and Down By The River, which I love. I also still need to get A Thousand Suns and a job.


Hmm, what can I talk about? I'm happy. I guess that's enough. There's nothing interesting to say when I'm content. Bit sad really. Saw an old old friend today. Two years and still fine. Love it when it's like that.
Playing Fable 3 right now. It's a pretty good game but I hope my brother likes it. He paid for it after all and if he didn't like it I'd feel bad. Brotherhood is in six days. I can't bloody wait.

I might s well go look up some pictures. What have I already got on my hard drive? Well there's
this,
this,
this,
(Nightmare by Avenged Sevenfold of course.)
this,
(My favourite I think)
and this,

I think I might do a picture post in a sec.

I'm here for your entertainment?

So..
Let's see.. aw shit my last post was over a week ago. Damn. Exams are on and I've been busy, that's my excuse. It seems I only ever post when I'm avoiding something. Whixh is disappointing to say the least.
I only just realised that I don't think I've mentioned that I got my ear pierced. The left one, six weeks ago at the start of the holidays. Right now there's just a gold stud, but I'm looking for one I can change it to now that its healed. Didn't hurt like I thought it would, which is good. Well maybe it hasn't healed yet, but soon!

I decided to post today because I was thinking about what it's like when you see someone on the street and go " x person will look like that when they're older." Because sometimes, when that happens, I get a little kick out of seeing how one of my friends might turn out, because it reminds me of all the wonderful possibilities the future holds. And other times when it happens it doesn't feel so great because it reminds me that some day we all grow old and die. Which might seem a bit grim, but I guess it's true. Though I do think its possible that we, or our sons and daughters, could live forever. Science is wonderful and scary, but there are so many possibilities there as well. Anyway, that's all I have to say. Back to exam revision, night all.

Friends

So..
Sometimes my head shakes inside with thoughts and feelings and emotions and they either make me want to cry or scream. Sometimes they wash over me lightly, make me high with dopamine and happiness. Sometimes I'm crushed under they're weightless mass and I want to vomit and hit my head against a wall until they go away. I hate being alone for too long. Being around my friends keeps me sane (sort of). I can't find what I need if I don't know what it is.

I want to cry into a mirror and feel someones arms holding me tight to keep me safe from my mind.

I want to say I love you and hear it whispered back, when I'm not sure if I mean it and they know they do.



I know its kind of strange to bare myself so readily on the internet, the worst place to do it really.
But I feel that I will one day appreciate this record of my teenage years. I wanted to start keeping a diary for a long time, but never got round to it. So this is my diary I guess.
And I may be putting my thoughts and feelings where anyone can see them, but the point is, you don't know who I am. People who have never met me can't ridicule me in the street if they don't know what I look like. Sure, you could find my name and IP and everything else with a bit of effort, but I doubt anyone would bother that much just to hurt someone.
Exams are coming soon and I'm looking forward to them a bit. Hopefully I'll be ready for them in time.
Lots of things are coming up soon. On the 28th Fable 3 comes out-Ive already preordered it. On the 31st a game called Minecraft gets a major update and on the 8th exams start. On the 9th Call Of Duty Black Ops arrives and on the 12th exams finish. On the 14th or 16th Assassin's Creed Brotherhood hits stores-that's already preordered as well. And then I'm free for the 8 weeks until next year starts.

I think I'm ultimately a positive person. I will get through this crap. I bet its just teen hormones. That kind of makes me sad though. That one day I won't be able to get high from happiness anymore. This post is all over the place.

Once upon a time there lived a boy called...it doesn't matter what his name was. Anyway, this boy started reading when he was six and fell in love with it. He devoured books. Every day in primary school he would go out to lunch and instead of playing he would sit on a bench and read. He didn't care what the other kids thought of him, he probably didn't even think about them. When this boy got older though, he started looking up from his books more often and wondered about what the other children did while he read.
So he somehow started hanging out with the cool boys, though he still read a lot. And he liked the cool boys and when he graduated primary school he was sad that he was leaving his friends.
He went to his high school with fond memories of his primary school and met new kids. As time went on, he very slowly made new friends at high school. But as he did, he thought about his old friends and decided they weren't his friends at all. And he remembered the times they were mean to him and realised that they were mean boys.
So he kept his new friends and forgot his old ones, who had long forgotten him.
After two years in high school, he moved schools, but he made sure to keep him high school friends. And some of them slowly weren't friends anymore, but he worked to keep the important ones and even made new friends from his old school and plenty from his new school and even some from outside school. And suddenly the boy had lots of friends and he was going out and doing things and he wasn't popular but he was a long way from the little boy who sat on a bench and read a book at lunchtime and had no friends (though it must be said that the little boy cared not one bit about that).
So there was this boy, with friends from two schools and outside school. Then he heard about a friend from his primary school. And this boy, with all his prejudices about his primary school, hated this boy from so long ago. But he met the boy and liked him and he met another boy from his primary school and he wasn't bad either. And the primary school "friend" admitted he'd been mean in primary school and the boy took a look at his current friendships and the ones fading away and the new ones growing and thought about how many more would appear. And he realised that people change and that he had changed and he was sad. And that he was older and smarter and less accepting and more opinionated and stronger and weaker and he missed the days when he didn't care what people thought and the days when all it took to be happy was a book to read.
And he lived the rest of his life. But every so often he would wonder if he had been as happy as he told himself he had been or if he had been happy and unhappy in balance like he was now.


Its interesting how you can throw a boy into a wall and punch another as hard as you can because you were so angry at them and two years later play alongside them in a cricket game for the simple reason that one of them was on the team and needed players and you were friends and that was what you did and if you didn't he would understand and forget about it but you would be the one who felt bad. I think I've made a few life long friends. I certainly hope so. though I might not be a very good one it seems.
Thats us alright.
I think real friends are the ones who will talk through their problems with each other if its necessary, or be able to forget them if they arent important. or something.

I don't know how to finish this post off, so here's to best friends.
Perhaps the picture and not the whole post.

Sorry about the small font size. Sorry for bothering you. Congratulations for reading this far. You can go now. Really. Its okay. I'm signing off now. Bye. Go on, off you go. I'm just waiting for you to go first. OK. Night.

And I'm hoping that you'll say, that you loved me all this time.

So..
I am desperately overdue for a post and I've just realised my latest one is that freaky one from two weeks ago. TWO WEEKS AGO. And it's been even longer since I've talked about music. I've been meaning to post for aaaages (Two weeks roughly :P) but I only seem to do it when I'm avoiding homework. Which sucks. But let's be honest, I'm avoiding work now.

So what's been up in two weeks? You may be excused for thinking that I have fallen further and further in to a mad merry-go-round of depression (spiral) but not so! I have been busy, as exams are coming up soon and I really want to do well, as my midyear exams were horrible (I think.... don't really remember to be honest). Plus, I have VCE next year, which probably means I'll be blogging less as I focus on my VCE subjects. I do hope VCE will be fun.
What else? I downloaded the music video for Hold On by Angus & Julia Stone off iTunes a few hours ago (it's free, go get it!) and it's pretty amazing. I'm the video itself is very deep and metaphorical, but the song is amazing on its own. Other music from the past...18 days include:

Warrior's Dawn by Slough Fey. A true metal song about returning from war. Has an epic chorus.
Planets by Short Stack. Cute love song and I love those guys.
Lilith Immaculate by Cradle of Filth. An amazing CoF from their upcoming album. Sounds amazing.
Temptation by Cradle of Filth. Pretty good.
Boys In Town by The Divinyls. Okay.
Pleasure and Pain by The Divinyls. Anyone remember this song? Its been in the back of my head for as long as I can remember and I finally found out who it was by. "It's a fine line, between pleasure and pain!"

Something I've also been meaning to talk about is Linkin Park's new album A Thousand Suns. I was very cynical about how good this album was going to be, as in my opinion LP have declined steadily from their debut. Not declined per se, just that I liked their early music far more than say, What I've Done. However, this album is one of the most inspiring albums I've ever heard. As a side note, in my opinion the reason Linkin Park are so successful is that they rarely sing about love. Bands that have little by way of love songs in their repertoire are few and far between these days, so LP are a bit of fresh air I guess. Wish I had tickets to their concert. Feel free to disagree with me of course, just airing my views on my blog :P.

On the subject of blogger-blog reader communication, thank you for all your comments. Every time I see a new comment in my inbox (I get a notification by email for each comment) it makes me feel all gooey inside :P. I love getting comments. Not that I'm pressuring you or anything :D.

Hmm. Ill just go through my pictures for a second..that's interesting. I thought I had more new pics than that. Oh well....Okay, for some reason I can't access the new ones from My Computer part of the computer, but I can get to them through Blogger. Anyway, it just means there's more than I thought.

Here's hoping.
Hehehehe. Chibis.

Well? I kinda like Lady Gaga. I guess she's just not as bad as some other female singers I could mention
And then you did. Meh. Now I have to rush off to bed 'cause it's past my bedtime. Again.

No one else can see you, the same way as myself

So..
I haven't posted in a while, I'm sure you don't mind, ja? I'm just relaxing all the time, now exams are over. Next week we start a new semester, so tomorrow is my last day of Geography and Art. It feels a little strange. You get used to something for so long and then it's gone. I won't miss them or anything, I never cared about Geo and I can still draw and stuff after Art is finished. Next semester is Photography which should be interesting and GAME DESIGN! I'm so screwed for it but man I want to do well. We'll see. Sometimes it seems that all we're doing is waiting to see. See what's tomorrow, what's on the weekend, what's going to happen next. I hate waiting.
So my Philosophy teacher is the coolest guy you know. He dressed up in round glasses and a bowler hat and a mustache for Bloom day. Very interesting guy. My new favourite songs are:

Angel Witch by Angel Witch
Eighteen by Alice Cooper
We Are The Road Crew by Motorhead
Welcome To My Nightmare by Alice Cooper
Die For Metal by Manowar
Queen Of The Masquerade by Crimson Glory
and basically all of the album Captain Morgan's Revenge by Alestorm

Did you hear about the walruses? A number of oil companies were boasting about how much better they would have handles BHP's oil spill. One of them had an action plan consisting of 40 pages on dealing with the media and 9 on dealing with the spill. Another (or maybe the same one) had plans for dealing with any walruses that might be aound. Walruses haven't lived in the area for THREE MILLION YEARS! Complete bullshit Mr. Oil Company.
In cooler news, the plural of genius is genii. I think.

Chocolate.

Doctor Who is a gun

I'm going to watch the Gruen Transfer tonight. It should be fun.
Oh yeah. Did I tell you I got the game Brutal Legend? IT IS AWESOME!!! Basically you drive around a heavy metal filled world and kill baddies to a awesome metal soundtrack. Angel Witch, Road Crew and Queen are all on it, plus 104 more awesome songs.

Did I tell you I have a girlfriend? I have a girlfriend...Hehehe. I'm so screwed. But I'm not exactly going to complain am I?

Stream of consciousness.

Today is a winding road that's taking me to places that I didn't want to go

So..
I have 20 followers!!! Is that amazing or what? The music-loving Gabrielle has seen fit to join our motley crew, so (non-alcoholic) drinks all round!
In response to all your comments on my last post: I agree with your comments Lilah. I don't really have any comeback and I don't think one is necessary. And thanks for the compliment. Thanks to Erimentha for your compliments too, though I'm far from the coolest guy :D
s.k.y...people smile in photos because it's expected, because they're meant to and sometimes, because they're happy. I love photos because people never take pictures of me.

So what else is new? Lots of stuff. Most of you are probably having exams soon like me, except you're studying instead of looking on blogger aren't you? I stil have homework, which is very bad, but hey tomorrow is Friday...I'm a good procrastinator dammit.

Alestorm is 'pirate metal' and freaking awesome. listen to the song Keelhauled if you like that kind of thing. which I would say you don't? perhaps Don't Take Your Love Away by Jon Crosby is more your thing.

I'm listening to A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton over and over trying to remember the song lyric I was going to put as the title.

Do you like hugging? Hugging is awesome. I have said before I'm not gay, and I'm not, but I hug all my best mates at least once a day. And they let me because they know how weird I am like that. Of course hugging girls is completely different. I'm not good with the whole platonic-relationship-but-are-best-friends thing...yeah... Hugging is comforting, like just for a second everything is gonna be fine.

Umm.
Don't you love xkcd? mindless, yet intelligent humour.
I actually enjoyed The Hangover a lot, but I've been hearing a lot of negativity about it lately. Oh well.
But it didn't work. 5 times out of 5.
Do you have a happy place? I realised when I read this that I don't. There's no place in my head, real or imaginary that I can retreat to when the world is too much. No room in my house is sacred, no places to go outside. So, for now, I'm going to design the apartment I want to live in when I'm rich and happy. :)

Because sometimes you just couldn't care less. :)
And I think yours do too. But I can't see through the layers of meaning and I bet you don't even try to.
Some lines from Make Me Wanna Die by The Pretty Reckless. Pretty cool stuff.
Nothing new there. Just a new you.
I hope I am a friend like this. And I hope I get one.
Because it wasn't immediately obvious.
I think this is very clever. And true. And sad.
because no matter how fucked up things are, there is always cake.

I'm so so so so tired. Mentally and physically. Have a great weekend.

How long before you let me go?

So..
Wow. Its been 11 days since my last post. If anyone noticed. I didn't think so. I have a semi-excuse - I'm currently in the middle of exams and I have to study. I've also been reading a manga called Bloody Monday which is very good. I'm almost finished though so It won't take up too much more of my time. I've so far had my Maths, Geography, English and Music exams. In order; good, bad, half-good half-bad and OK. It's very hot, like everyone's been complaining but I have air conditioning at home so I'm cool right now. I don't really mind the weather. So now I have to do Cassie's therapy video thing? I like Cassie. She's scary.. in a good way. Now how does it go?
The task: fill in 12 likes, 1 love and 8 hates like Cassie in her therapy video.

Abracadabra, Wow!

I like boys who care about others and girls who don't hate me

I like playing basketball

I like dancing when no-one can see you

I like computers

I like people who don't judge.

I like trying to guess what people are thinking.

I love music

Today I didn't get what I wanted.

In some ways, I love everything.

Its less, its less of a thing to like, its less distinct, its less particular

I like things that I like but I love everything

There’s more choice in like

Cos even the worst things have things you love in them

I don’t know what you mean about things I hate

I hate racists and bigots.

I hate having pimples

I hate violence and war

I hate not knowing

I hate losing friends

I hate change but in a way, I know its good

I hate responsibility

I hate arrogant people

I hate this, wow. . .

Sorry.

There we go. Maybe now she'll stop bothering me (that'll happen:))
I've probable got other things I should say, but it doesn't matter. Now I must go and do science revision. yay.