I thought I would be able to go to sleep listening to the rain, but then I realised the "rain" noise was my computer

So..
I don't have a bad life. I live in a good house, I have good friends. I don't have to work if I don't want to, I have access to more food than I need. If I'm cold I have a heater and warm clothes. If I'm hot I can put the cooler on, or go outside and relax in the sun. I can go to the pool, the library, the shops, the bowling alley. I'm not restricted or trapped. I have the power to make changes in my own life. I have a bed to sleep in, a roof over my head, music and games and movies. I have technology, and the world at my fingertips. I am happy, and when I'm not I will be soon enough. I've never starved, or been afraid to fall asleep, or begged for money, food, shelter. I have the luxury of not getting what I want because I have all I need. I could pick any goal to work towards, and have a decent chance of getting there. And like everyone in my position, I want more.

I haven't met someone new I considered beautiful for a long time. I'd like to I suppose. I miss the excitement, the heady joy of being in love and the amazing possibility of being loved back. I miss that. Sometimes (often) I think of the times when I was in love, and loved. But I've burned those bridges and need some more to cross. Ah fuck. I didn't want to do a post like this. I hate myself.

I just wanted to let you know I bought Viva La Vida or Death and All His Friends by Coldplay today for ten dollars. It reminded me of the song Violet Hill, which is on it. I can't remember who I used to think about when I sang that song. I don't know who to think about now.


If I could have the names tattooed on my skin
of all the people I have ever loved,
whether fiercely or simply
because of a single glance
exchanged across a crowd,
or the brush of fingertips
accidentally exchanged
across a table.
Then maybe when I die
they will look at my body
and say he loved many,
and if the reasons I loved them,
were there as well,
then my entire body
shall be covered with ink -
evidence of love
and being loved,
proof of a life
lived in love
shall be written
all over my skin.


-P.S. I am Me


Goodnight.

If you write something in a poem, does it make it okay?

So..

These dark nights
Bring dark dreams
Dark thoughts
Dark silences
Dark desires
Dark wants
Dark feelings
Dark sounds
Dark words
Dark memories
Of dark places.

I couldn't sleep properly last night, but that's not very interesting is it? School's back and I want to die again. Life goes on. Stuff. I hate my hypocrisy and greed.

I'd like to think I was reliable, trustworthy, a secretkeeper and confidante. a friend. Someone worth admiring, worth loving. But I think maybe I'm not any of these things.

Dreaming.

So..
I'm sick *sneezes* so I've been home all day. Sleeping mostly, though I read Eragon and watched a bit of TV. I had a couple of cool dreams, but I can't remember them.

I no longer dream of eyes,
That sparkle like stars,
Or green and blue like the sea.
I no longer dream of hair,
black as night,
Or red and gold like sunset.
I no longer dream of lips,
 painted red,
Or as plain and beautiful,
as the mid-morning dew.
But even as I wonder,
if this is good or bad.
I know that I will, again
Someday.

One of my worse poems, free verse is annoying.

I read High Fidelity again. Gooood book.

Untitled

If I can't find truth in sparkling eyes

I'll find it in a friend's painful honesty.

If I can't find hope in whispered words

I'll find it in a baby's laughing smile.

If I can't find love in rose red lips

I'll find it in a brotherly hug.

If I can't find my future in a curved hip

I'll find it out as it unfolds.

If i can't find joy in a lover's kiss

I'll find it in the first flower of Spring.

If I can't find fire in wild passion

I'll find it in the stars at night.

If I can't find happiness with a single girl

I'll find it with the whole wide world. 

When days feel like minutes and minutes feel like hours

So..
We are born with the belief that our fathers are gods, invincible, indestructible, immortal. Then we grow and realise that he is just a mortal man. And a little magic leaves the world.
I'm trying to write meaningful things, but I can't say it right. The ideas are delicate, if they aren't expressed properly, they lose meaning.

From my ideas book:
I want to live to live to see the day my son walks up to me and plays me a song I hadn't heard in 20 years. I want to be able to look at him and say "I remember when that came out." And I want to be able to tell him a story of forgotten summers, parties, beaches and girls.

Its like you go on this long journey and just end up back where you started, a little wiser, world-weary and alone again

I saw a man wearing a silver replica of the One Ring today! :D 29/7

You know you've cleaned your teeth properly when you draw blood.

Not a lover, not a fighter, not a thinker, not a doer, just a dreamer.

Hide your eyes behind your hair,
Take your sister to the fair,
She's young, she doesn't need to know,
The places her brother likes to go.

That last one was inspired by Catcher in the Rye believe it or not. Lost innocence and all that.
Dinner time. More later?

All the crazy shit i did tonight...

So..
Howdy all. We have a new addition to the ranks, Ms(?) mareeya. I am suspicious of this person. I'm sure I know her. *narrows eyes*
Life's been good since the last time I posted. I'm still behind on homework, but I'll get it done...I will!
Today I went to the junior social at my school. It was a hell of a lot of fun I can tell you. I got there late but it didn't matter. Jumped up and down to techno for about 2 hours. So yeah, awesome. E couldn't go though which sucked :( But it was still good.
New music is The Sound Of Settling by Death Cab For Cutie and Love The Way You Lie by Eminem featuring Rihanna.

OK, I wanted an excuse to do my own version of i need you to need me by Erimentha. But I couldn't think of one. So here it is anyway.

I want a girl who likes kissing in public.

I want a girl who likes hearing me sing.
I want a girl who goes to bed late and sleeps in.

I want a girl who is beautiful in body and mind.

I want a girl who dances in the rain.

I want a girl who calls at four in the morning to check if I still love her.

I want a girl who looks better without make up.

I want a girl who is perfectly imperfect.
I read High Fidelity by Nick Hornby. It's a gem of a book.

In English we saw the amazing movie Dead Poet Society. If you can find a copy, I recommend it highly.

Im now reading the book series Dexter was based on. It's looking good so far.
Nighty night y'all. Have a good one.

SWILAYIWTSFYUB

So..
Hands up if you've heard of the Gorillaz! one, two, three, four, five, five, six.. that can't be right. You're lying. The Gorillaz are a 'virtual band'- a band with fictional members, whose voices and sounds are provided by its creators and various others.
Gorillaz are really interesting. The creator made up a biography for them, and personalities etc.
Its made up of vocalist 2D, band leader ad bass Muroc, guitarist Noodle and drums Russel. They have three albums and a number of singles. They can even 'perform' live through holograms, which I think is really cool, but because its difficult to organise they've only done it a few times.
Anyway, I found out about them through the video for 'Stylo' and then I recognised the song 'Feel Good INC', which I liked immediately.Left to right: Russel, Noodle, 2D, Muroc. Picture curtesy of Wikipedia.
I started writing an acrostic poem, but ended up making a random one. It's called either Sometimes or Beauty. Tell me which it should be.

Sometimes, there are nights,

When I feel scared so,

I leave on the lights.

Look at the stars outside,

At how they boldly shine,

You can see the same, worldwide.

I would like to run away

Want to come with me?

To a place where we can play.

Scream out for some warm shelter,

From the storm that’s all around.

Your words won’t make a sound.

Unbearable is life, but everywhere,

Beauty can be found.

It's rather strange no?

We won basketball today! I'm very pleased. We won 23 to 9, which is brilliant. I played quite well though as always I wish I had more court time.

It's funny that you mentioned creative writing..

So..
I had a sub for science and no book to read so I wrote a poem

Leave blue roses on my grave,

In memory of the one you couldn't save.

In the corner,of a lost and secret cave,

Leave blue roses on my grave.

Remember me as `was the one.'

Remember me as `next to none.'

Remember me as `we're not done.'

Remeber me as `was the one.'

Forget me on your wedding night,

Forget about knowing who was right,

Love the one who holds you tight,

And forget me on your wedding night.

I'm not totally happy with it, but it's good enough.

Hope you liked it.

Here There Be Demons

So..
It's 1 am but I think the date display thingy isn't working. I'm sitting in my study, on my laptop, hoping my mum doesn't hear/come looking for me. I don't think she will but I'm worried about when I go to bed. Meh.
I only realised a litle while ago, but Christmas is this Friday!! I still have to get one more present, but I don't know where I'm going to find it. Meh again.

While schoolboys fight,
The world turns.
In searing light,
The world burns.

Have you ever watched the politicians arguing about something in Parliament, in between the fancy speeches? They honestly remind me of a pack of ten year olds arguing over who has the biggest toy car. Lots of petty insults and shouting. And these are the people who run our country? No wonder we're going to hell.

Blind faith ain't no good thing.
Really? Shit.
Blind obedience ain't no good thing.
Really? Fuck.
Blind love ain't no goo-
Alright now you're just pissing me off. Go away.

Be wary of Desire
Lest she burn your soul
in fire.