It feels like forever since my last post. I don't know why I haven't posted before now, I just haven't felt the desire to. I'm going to bed in a bit, running away from my homework - again. Contemplating quitting school - again.
Rather than a feeling that my life is crashing down around me, it's more like I'm just on a never-ending slide down to oblivion. My exams start next week and I have to write 7000 words on poetry tomorrow night. or something. I don't want to. I just want to sit inside my little house and play video games and live my little life. I don't really mind if I don't get rich and famous and live in a mansion on the beach with a beautiful model. I just want to stay here. and it sucks that that's too much to ask. What do I know anyway - I'm seventeen.
I thought today's xkcd was cute.
I'm sleepy and its 10:00. I'll probably end up reading light novels on my phone like last night.I'm tired of my life.
Why do they tell us in school that we can be anything? Why drive us to want to achieve greatness? Why do we have to learn to be responsible adults? Give me something to do now and I'll do it - give me and independent research task to be handed in on Monday and chances are you won't see a word outta me. ever.
I'm crapping on and on. Reliving past memories. Her hand momentarily held in mine. Her warm waist and the knowledge that she's someone else's girlfriend and that means no touching, no going anywhere, ever. I'm proud of some aspects of my personality at least. It seems I have some honour. Though what does honour even mean. I'm like a medieval knight dropped into the twenty-first century. Not a very good knight admittedly. I hope I don't sound depressed. I'm not. Just tired. I should shut up now. ARgh why am I talking. I'm sorry. The last few weeks I feel so shit whenever I complain, thinking "what do I have to complain when other people's shit is worse" Here's my last outlet to bemoan my wretchedly middle class, privileged existence. I don't want you to read this, but I do. It won't change anything. Anything at all.