Monday, August 27, 2012

another old draft "FoxtrotUniformCharlieKiloFoxtrotUniformCharlieKiloFoxtrotUniformCharlieKiloFoxtrotUniformCharlieKilo"

I have another follower! I find this strange. Welcome to my lonely little blog Maha Baseer. You strange person.

So I'm feeling like nothing again. Sometimes I come on here and I write stuff to let my anger out, or pretend I have someone to talk to about my boring life. And then later I'm like, why did I write that? That was a terrible idea. Sometimes this period of wtf-is-wrong-with-you happens before the post and you never get to see what could have been. I'm so goddamn tired. There are no solutions to my problems except to face them and I just don't want to. I don't like the night, cause there's nothing in it anymore. I miss people I never knew. Fucking hell. I don't even know why I'm writing. I want to pretend someone will this and come to my rescue. Fuck. I don't want to be eighteen. I don't want to have to care about taxes, elections, jobs, money, adult bullshit. What's so great about eighteen. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't want to go overseas, I don't want to go to clubs, I don't want to go to brothels, I don't want to watch R-rated movies. And Australia doesn't have R-rated games. Funny shit.

I hate complaining. I hate me.
This is going in my drafts, I can't be fucked enough.

The nightmares that are my hopes and dreams are coming back to haunt me again. I just want to leave everything behind and never think further than my next paycheck.

P.S. I haven't gotten to complain like this on Blogger in aaaages.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

A not so old draft. ".execute"

It appears that we have reached the edge
That zenith where stimuli and comatose collide.
Forty years ago the man proclaimed
The age of the gross to be upon us,
And even though the man was destroying our heritage,
And insulting our intelligence
That era has become very real.

We labor for pleasure and abhor the guilt of pressure
My generation will go down as the architects
Of contemporary disgust.

Some have fought and died,
Others have allowed the strong to be butchered for a price
They themselves don't care about and will never understand.
I myself am beleaguered by the selfish face
Of a kind of man that is not mankind.

Distrust in information.
Fundamentalism of opinion.
Catastrophic boredom and a fanatical devotion
To that which does. not. matter!

Where is your glory now, people?
Where are your gods and politicians?
Where is your shame and salvation?
You rage for no reason, because you have no reason.

What have you ever fought for?
What have you ever bled for?
The face of the earth is scarred with the walking dead
The age of the gross is a living virus.

This is the future you have created.
This is the world you have set ablaze!
All your lies are coming true,
All freedom is lost, All Hope is Gone!

"Run." said the voices and he ran. He ran from his past, from his parents, from his friends. From his music, from his anxiety, his depression. From his books and his bed, his heart and his soul. He ran from the girls he had liked and the women he'd loved, from his apologies and obsessions. He ran from his failures and successes, from his hopes and his dreams, from his nightmares and realities. He ran through streets and alleys, by-ways and highways, footpaths and train tracks. He ran from the smell of her hair and the taste of her skin and the way she smiled at him. He ran from his beliefs and his prejudices, his regrets and his shame. He ran from the feeling on the back of his hand, the head on his shoulder, the arms round his waist. He ran from his joy and his fury. He ran from his ideas and his memories. He ran from who he was and who he wasn't. He ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ranandheranandheranandheran.

aggressive breakdown should be a thing.

Two parties in two nights, cycling through rage, anger, joy and numbness have left me emotionally and mentally exhausted. Thank god I don't have to do any work in school tomorrow. I have a stomach ache from too much sweet food and a pressure inside my head that won't let me relax. I can't concentrate and there's nothing I want to do. I can't sleep because I'm not physically tired, but I don't want to think either. So I'm writing a blog post. Cleveer.

Some things I wrote down over the past week:

"The easiest lies to believe are the ones we tell ourselves"
Because they're the ones we want to believe the most.

"You can tell a lot about a person and their state of mind through a hug"
And then a few days later:

"When a hug doesn't help, you know there's a problem"
Don't ask me what's with all the hug stuff, cause I don't have a clue.

Nothing else to say really.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

What I've been listening to.

Now that I've been released from the pressure of doing a good 200th post, I can get back to the business of my normal posting. I'm not going to write about what I did between my 198th and 200th posts, since I a.) can't be bothered and b.) can't remember. Which is a pity, but life goes on. Instead, here's a bunch of songs I've been listening to.

Thought this one would depress me, but it made me laugh instead. The chorus isn't amazing, but whatever.

This one did depress me once I listened to the lyrics properly.

Been meaning to listen to this again for ages, finally did. It's nice enough

... Catchy I guess. Video's not very good.

Chorus is the only good part of this to be honest

Watch this. Right now.

Ah, 90s rap.

It's a great song guys. Honest!

Old Blink-182, in preparation for Soundwave.

She's got a good voice. This video tripped me out first time I saw it though. On Rage. At like 11, when I'm half-asleep on the couch.

Meh. Fun.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Things that are in my 200th post.

  • Pretty girls at parties I can't talk to
  • Watching movies late at night
  • The Dark Night Rises and why it's awesome
  • Stand Up and Fight by Turisas and why it's awesome.
  • Words with u's instead of o_e's
  • Daria
  • 90's music
  • Lolita by the Veronicas and everything that's wrong with it
  • Runaway by The Killers and how it makes me sad.
  • Alternative bullshit
  • How disappointing it is that alternative is the new mainstream
  • Irony and the word I actually want to use
  • Poor Unfortunate Souls and the importance role of Disney villains in my upbringing
  • How I don't think I've actually seen Snow White
  • The fact I never keep promises.
  • Complaining: A Study
  • Exams
  • School homework and how I'm not doing it
  • Flirting, how not to do it.
  • Flirting, how do you do it?
  • Zombie Nation by Kernkraft 400
  • Raymond E Feist's novels
  • Alcohol and why I hate it
  • My mind and why I hate it
  • My mind and why I love it
  • My body and why it's dumb
  • My hair and what to do with it.
  • The impact of an interesting name
  • Homosexuality: The pros and cons.
  • Basketball: Why I should do it more.
  • Suits and how buying a suit has furthered my understanding of Barney Stinson
  • Money and how I don't have any.
  • The irritation that springs from not being allowed to put a comma before an and.
  • Why I refuse to tell anyone about my problems.
  • Why I hide stuff from my friends.
  • La Femme Nikita, what I thought.
  • What "THIS. IS. SPARTA." is actually like in it's original context (still completely random)
  • Steam, Steam sales and saving $400 by spending $100
  • Why I laugh at unfunny things
  • The illusion of control
  • The Binding of Isaac
  • How to maintain a conversation.
  • Why I just can't like some people.
  • The state of my shoes.
  • The state of my fingers
  • The state of my room (lol)
  • Lol and how IM words have influenced society.
  • Why I want to kill myself sometimes
  • Why I want to kill everyone else sometimes.
  • How boring I am
  • Clubbing: Pros and Cons
  • The importance of Capitalisation: Is there any?
  • Anticlimaxes
  • Why I won't tell disgusting jokes to girls
  • Chivalry and how I'm probably not a zombie
  • Why Blogger depresses me
  • Why I haven't posted in so long.
  • How my parents seperation has affected my grades: A SEAS application in 2000 characters
  • How my mental state has affected my grades: A SEAS application in 2000 characters
  • How I'm not probably not going to get to kiss a girl for a while
  • Complaining: Why no-one should listen to me.
  • My old drafts and why I don't want you to read them
  • Pseudonyms and who they are.
  • Why my grandmother being in hospital freaked me out.
  • Why I like hospitals
  • The importance of having a best friend.
  • Why pictures of beautiful women piss me off
  • Why I shouldn't miss sleep
  • Why I shouldn't drink.
  • How I can dance (or why I can't)
  • Why my blog has a search function
  • Why my birthday was a disappointment.
  • What loneliness feels like (like you're standing in a room with nothing in it and you know if you go outside the room there will only be another room like the first, so you just stand there and look at the wall and you want to scream but there's no-one to hear and if no-one hears you are you even there?)
  • The Mile High Club and what it's worth
  • Manic depression, other mental illnesses and how the psychologist was full of shit, I'm not interesting enough to have a disorder.
  • How these dot points are getting longer (I notice this stuff) and how only some of them have full stops.
  • Happiness and how to bring it to people
  • Blood and why I should give it
  • Fucks and why I should give them (it's a joke!)
  • Why I feel more comfortable talking with gay guys than gay girls
  • Bisexuality and why I'm straight.
  • Why talking is better than typing.
  • Nail-biting as a form of self-mutilation.
  • Why you shouldn't believe everything you read on the internet.
  • Anger and how to deal with it
  • Dermatophagia
  • My mother and why I don't care.
  • Comedy and why its good.
  • More of my personal problems in one post than the previous 199.
  • How bad it is.