Friday, September 28, 2012

DId you know that can have a rather long larval stage before becoming an adult and flying?


Once upon a time, what would one day be a dragonfly was born. And as it grew, it learned more about the world around it. It learned about the lake in which it lived, the way the algae grew over a small hole that it could hide in and no one could find it. It learned about the plankton that lived in the sand on the lake floor and what food would make it grow strong. It learned to escape its predators by hiding in the sand itself, or slipping between cracks in the rock where it couldn't be reached. It spent a year like this, learning and growing. But dragonflies don't live very long.

One day, our soon-to-be dragonfly felt restless. The water paradise it had lived in seemed small, now that every inch of it had been uncovered. The algae covered hole it had loved so much was too small, its walls to stifling. So, it swam to where the light had come from, all the days of its life, despairing of its tiny domain. But at that seemingly impenetrable barrier, the dragonfly (for it is a dragonfly now) found its escape. Climbing a reed, compelled by something it couldn't explain, the dragonfly emerged from the water, to find a world of sound and light. Its gills, so dependable, were now superfluous and our dragonfly fought to breathe. Choking, it almost sank beneath the water again, but suddenly the dragonfly realised that its gills still worked, it just needed to breathe a little differently. Its skin spilt and from it our dragonfly rose, triumphant, easily moving through the air, rejoicing in its new wings and wide new world. But dragonflies don't live very long.

And so the dragonfly learned again. It found other dragonflies and created a place for itself near its old home. And each day it set out, finding food, evading birds and reptiles that sought to take it as food. It met another dragonfly and together they lay the eggs into the lake, to start the cycle anew. It had good days and bad days, victories and failures, times when in soared in the spring rain and times when it huddled up in a hole, like it was a newborn again, to escape the snow and cold. And eventually, on a fine spring day, the dragonfly fled from a sparrow and in a flash of insight realised it wouldn't get away. And before it was swallowed, it remembered the eggs it had left behind, the other dragonflies it had met and loved, the months it had spent wandering free in the world of light it had come to. And it died happily. Because dragonflies don't live very long. But they don't need to. Because dragonflies live very, very well.

I'm not sure if this is a happy story (I wrote it yes). I tried to make it one, but it came out a bit funny. I think a depressed person would find it suffocatingly optimistic, while a happy person would fine it pleasantly thoughtful. So I guess that makes it happy?

Also, I know nothing about dragonflies except what I just read off Wikipedia, so don't quote anything I said as fact. Have a nice weekend :)

Thursday, September 27, 2012

This is probably a negative post.


I need:

  • To stop thinking
  • To stop analysing my friends
  • An objective point of view
  • To know everything
  • For my damn internet to work for 10 minutes without cutting out
  • This day to be over
  • Exams to be over
  • This year to be over
  • To get away from this place and these people
  • To give up on some things
  • To hit something
  • To sleep
  • To try harder
  • To care about things
  • To not care about things
  • My internet to work for 5 goddamn minutes so I can listen to Mumford & Sons. Thank you.
  • Some genuinely good Australian music
  • A job?
  • Someone beautiful to love me.

I was listening to this before I went to sleep some nights, but now everything's just fucked.

Added to my picture collection for the first time in like half a year.
So here's a pictures dump. It may indicate some of what I'm feeling. But mostly what I need to feel. Should be feeling.

What am I even doing.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012


It's like this. Sometimes I come across something, or indeed someone, or some moment, some event, whatever. And its so perfect - and perfect is the only word I can use, just perfect (I looked up synonyms and all) - that you I just want to take it, imprison it, hold it forever, never let it go. But I know no matter what I do, how far I go and how high I rise, I can't own it completely. Nothing will ever be enough. The moment cannot last forever. And it kills me.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

This is a positive post.

Been meaning to do this one for a few days.

Things I have to look forward to after exams*:


  • Karin
  • Seitokai no Ichizon
  • Doctor Who Christmas special
  • Accel World
  • Daria
  • Metalocalypse
  • Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood

  • The Collector
  • The rest of Raymond E. Feist's books.
  • The Hunger Games again
  • On the Road
  • Deus Ex: Human Revolution
  • Assassin's Creed III
  • Saint's Row: The Third
  • Far Cry
  • Far Cry 2
  • Half-Life and its sequels
  • Dragon Age: Origins
  • Skyrim DLC
  • Psychonauts
  • The original Bioshock
  • Portal
  • Valedictory dinner (really?)
  • LAN on Christmas Day
  • Soundwave
  • Building my new computer!
  • Earning money and paying back my dad.

*This is an incomplete list.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Take me to the April sun in Cuba.

I'm so tired. Not physically (though I am that a bit) but emotionally and mentally. We're doing stress in Psych at school and all I can think about is how after extended exposure to a stressor, the body becomes unable to resist any longer and enters exhaustion. I wish I had someone to talk to about my problems, but let's be honest, I just want someone to solve them. Talking wouldn't help anyway, but neither is reading my old blog posts and wondering if I can cry.  I'm desperate for VCE to be over, and I'm desperate to do well. I don't want to do my IT work, or my Lit, Psych and Maths revision. I don't want to stay awake, but I'm afraid of my nightmares and of waking up again. So I'm just sitting listening to April Sun in Cuba by Dragon, cause there's nothing in it to make me feel anything. Except now I'm trying to tell if one of the lyrics has the word "baby". Maybe it doesn't - nope there it is. Damn it. Now I need a new song.