Thursday, January 20, 2011

A conversation, a follower, three movies, a sleepover and some pastries.

Hello again. I've been meaning post for a few days now, just to say I'm doing fine. My last post (well over a week ago now) said I'd have lots of depressing posts and the fact I haven't means I've been okay. No posts generally means nothing particularly good or bad has happened.
I saw Burlesque on Monday with some friends. I enjoyed it, though some of the people I went with didn't. Then I saw The Dilemma on Tuesday with another friend. It was a lot better than I thought it would be. Then I've been stuck at home since then. Lets see.. I've had a few more driving lessons, which was kinda interesting.

What did I do last I haven't posted since I got back I just realised. Well just stuff with Wombat and Sponge, a sleepover at mine, a cricket match, oh! I saw Morning Glory with them as well, that wasn't too bad. I still haven't seen Tangled, which I really wanna do, so this weekend maybe.

Some idle thoughts:

The girl with a broken smile

He looked at her with a strange look on his face. "You would never speak to me if you knew my desires. Noone would"
She smiled. "You're so full of shit."
"Oh really?" He leaned closer and touched their foreheads together, then whispered in her ear. The more his lips moved, the paler she became. Finally she pushed him away.
"So?" He said as a smile played across his lips.
Her mouth opened, but nothing came out.

When you look in the mirror, what do you see?


 New music is:
Ain't No Rest For The Wicked by Cage the Elephant. I found it in the intro to Borderlands while a friend was playing.
Miami 2 Ibiza by Swedish House Mafia and Tinie Tempah. Thanks to Channel V, or possibly MAX. I'm not sure which one I saw it on.
Fever by Bullet For My Valentine, been meaning to get it for ages.
Pale White Dress and Young At Heart by Amy Meredith
Metallica's classic One.
Rapunzel by Drapht
What The Hell, Avril Lavigne's new single.

We have a new follower! Please welcome, all the way from the blogosphere...Ariella! May I say, that is an awesome name you have there. Join the party and please try the pastries, they're delicious.

I don't have much to say right now, but maybe there'll be something soon. I'll sign off now though.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

And we were lovers, now we can't be friends, fascination ends.

Helllooooo! I'm back biatch!! In a ridiculously good mood, you'll see why. I've just been camping (again) for a few days. Oh shit dad's angry at something one sec. Back. S'all good. So where was I. Right. We were camping for...three days I think? Anyway, in that time I managed to completely fuck up the dregs of my relationship with E. Suffice to say, we won't be friends much longer. Texting is evil and I am stupid. Soooo there'll probably be not a few depressed/pissed/manic posts before I find someone new to obsess over. I was down and listless (great word 'listless') from.. say about Wednesday to midday yesterday, then suicidal between then and about 2ish today. Then, however we started driving home and I went with my brother (he's 30 and obviously can drive). We had a heap of fun, sitting listening to music with the windows down, singing along to some of it. We both like Rihanna, so that was fun when she came on the radio. It's hard to be depressed with such a perfect drive. I can feel myself getting lower now though :(.

When we got home I helped empty out the cars and then went on teh internets. Thank you, Hime, for cheering me up. How you did it is my little secret so shhhhh.

So now..what? I'll be sitting around catching up on manga and things I've been missing, then I'll go watch How I Met Your Mother. Neil Patrick Harris is a god.

Some new music for my fine followers,

Guns in the Sky by INXS
Got Some by Pearl Jam
Every Me, Every You by Placebo though I'm gonna check out some of their other stuff.
Not In Love by Crystal Castles. Probably not good for me to listen to right now?:/ but a good song.
Sleepwalker by Parkway Drive. I've never got into much of their kind of music, but I wish i could.

So, no doubt I'll be posting soon, 'til then - Au revoir.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Couldn't escape from you, couldn't be free of you.

Somewhere out there is a girl with the most amazing eyes. Who wakes me up at 6 to watch the sun rise and wakes me up at 2 because she can't sleep. Who isn't uncomfortable with her body and loves going to the beach to make sandcastles. There's gotta be a girl who'll think I'm funny and kinda sexy and gets jealous when I talk to to other girls. Who loves sleepovers and always knows what to say. There's a girl for me who'll drag me off the computer because she wants some attention and who turns up at my door without any notice to surprise me. Who drags me off shopping and asks which dress she should get. Who's comfortable around by friends and loves rock music with a passion. There's a girl who's everything I've ever wanted and I'm her everything. But maybe I don't want her. Maybe I want you.

New music:

Wisemen and Stay The Night by James Blunt.

I can't help believing in love. I grew up reading stories of love, action, adventure, princes and princesses. But at school I was the smart one. I believed in love, but I kept mistaking other things for it. And I can be so coldly logical. If I could have one thing, it would be someone perfectly imperfect to love me. I don't understand myself. Put simply, this is me:

I love music of all kinds, as long as I think the singer means what they say. Or it sounds cool.

I'm fiercely jealous. I can't stand the fact that other people are allowed to see my crushes. Sometimes all I can think about is other guys being better than me and hating everything.

I have long hair that everyone says I should cut, except the one person who matters.

I suspect everything anyone does. I wonder if every invitation or comment is a set-up to humiliate me. I guess that means I'm afraid of embarrassment. Some kind of complex I guess.

I hate my glasses and contacts, because I can't help thinking I'll be blind by the time I'm 65.

I want to live forever, but sometimes I just want to die.

I'm too emotional. That's it. I feel too much. As she once told me, I wish I couldn't feel. No more jealousy, anger, hate, love, not having to do anything I didn't want to. Focusing on school, emotionless.

I read a story once I identified with. It was about a girl who had gone missing, and her family thought she was dead. Her mother I think, described her as all about extremes. Really high highs and really low lows. I hate talking about how i see myself, in case I'm just the same as other people. I want to be different, individual, interesting.

I'm boring. I can't talk about nothing, so I can't really hold a conversation.

I always want to express my feelings, because I want to see them returned. They never are. But I keep trying, losing friendships on the way.

I'm selfish. I never do anything I don't want to.

I love my mind and I don't hate my body anymore. I just wish I was less impulsive. That I thought more before I opened my mouth and I thought less when I was alone.

I don't know how many times I've resolved to never speak of how I feel. I always have.

I just want high school to be over. I just want my life to be over. Sometimes I'm fine.

When I'm fine:
When I don't have a crush
When I've just seen my crush and before I start thinking about everything I did wrong.
When I'm with my crush and I haven't said anything stupid yet.

When I'm about to see my crush and I haven't thought about all the things that could go wrong.
When I'm in a relationship and I haven't started thinking about everything that's wrong.

Oh fucking hell. I LOVE YOU. I'm stuck. My feelings won't be returned. NEVER. I can't stop hoping though.

My emotional side always beats my logical side, though my logical side is only trying to save me from my emotions. I just want to be left alone.

I've never had my first kiss. It pissed me off that I haven't and it pisses me off that I care I haven't.

I want my life to be a love story. I want to find someone and have my happy ending and forget that there is no such thing as a happy ending.

I wish I would cry.

Oh, and I tag Aoife for the Cassie tag.

Now I think I'm gonna go watch The Lion King. Or maybe just TV. I'm feeling better already.

Monday, January 3, 2011

"Let me tell you where I'm at. I want to have sex with a woman so I can take these overalls off."

I said last night (actually this morning - just) that I would be doing the Cassie tag and in my opinion the best ones have pictures. I've done it five times before, the last one being way back in August. So here it is:

Abracadabra, Wow!
I like boys with long hair and girls with amazing eyes.
I like going out and doing stuff.
I like being able to have a normal conversation.

I like the way your skin felt against the back of my hand

I like sleepovers where we don't sleep.
I like doing things for New Year's eve.

I like how comfortable you seem around me.
I like loud music and distorted guitars.
I like seeing guys in love.
I like how shy you are about singing
I like finding a really good book to read.
I like it when people who can still look sexy without wearing tight or revealing clothes.
I love romantics
Today I got eight hours sleep for the second time in about two weeks.

In some ways, I love everything.
Its less, its less of a thing to like, its less distinct, its less particular
I like things that I like but I love everything
There’s more choice in like
Cos even the worst things have things you love in them
I don’t know what you mean about things I hate

I hate how jealous I can be at the drop of a hat. it tears me apart.
I hate how I can't keep my stupid mouth shut.
I hate how my stupid earring still refuses to heal.
I hate that when I'm down I focus on all the reasons you couldn't possibly love me back. 
 I hate how insecure I am sometimes.
I hate how blogger messes up the bold and italic settings so much.
I hate that I'm still in love with with my ex-girlfriend but in a way, I know I don't really hate it.
I hate how far away you live.

I hate this, wow. . .Sorry.


I found out what the best feeling in the world is, but I think I already knew the worst a long time ago.

Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep


Hello my followers! Mein Gott I haven't posted in over three weeks! I've been busy. And it feels good. I hate when i sit around for days on end, it makes me feel...useless.

So what have I been up to? I went to a friend's house on the 19th (i think) and stayed for 6 days, coming home on Christmas Eve. We had two all-nighters (there is nothing quite like playing pool at three in the morning) and went to bed past 12 two of the other three nights. We did stuff on the internets and talked and played video games. The usual. Our second all nighter was my last night at his place and we were at highpoint the whole time. Bought my Christmas presents around 4 because I'm that amazing. Then I got a lift home and immediately went out again (still hadn't slept) to get my dad's present, then stayed up til past 12 anyway.

Christmas was okay, hope yours was better. We had a family dinner with my mum's relatives, so pretty dull but I survived. Boxing Day saw me off camping with my brother and dad. I don't enjoy camping too much, but I survived it. My friend I'd had a sleep over with (his name's Alex) came up too so it weren't too bad. Not much to do except play on my laptop and his iPhone. We're two boring guys what can I say?

My brother drove home the third day (29th i think) and me and Alex caught the bus back home on New Years Eve. I arrived home at 1115 and again left immediately to go bowling with some old friends. After the bowling (i came third of four) we went to one guys house and hung around before the three of us left left him there and went to the next house and stayed awhile. Then it was train to Wombats house so he could change and then we all met up and went to a New Year's Eve party hosted by the lovely Camelgirl and Cat. Very fun party, lots of loud music, not too many people, I had fun. Counted down to midnight then got a lift home with Wombat around 2. New Years Day (Holy cow yesterday) I got up at 8 (after less than five hours sleep) and went to E's house (Yes we're still friends, No we're not going to get back together as far as I know, Yes it's a terrible codename). We watched some episodes of Dexter, wandered around, and then stayed up til 3 30 watching The Amityville Horror. Fun movie.

Got home around 430 today and caught up on my internets (I'd barely gotten the chance to do some manga-reading with all this rushing around) then watched Big Bang, How I Met Your Mother and a recording of the Doctor Who Christmas special I missed. And now I have a cold. It's not surprising really, a string of late/all nighters, not eating very well right now and it was freezing last night. All in all, I'm feeling pretty darn pleased with myself. Going back to camp on Tuesday or Wednesday with my brother to help my dad pack it all up (did you notice that we left him there?) and then I'll still have three weeks of the holidays left over. Blimey. I'll have to start working on my holiday homework though, trying to get serious about school work this year (Year 11 woot!)

That's not all of it. I read the original Frankenstein because we're doing it for Lit this year and it was pretty bad. I tried reading some other ones but it's all pretty bad actually :P. I have been reading Raymond E. Feist's Midkemia books, as some of you know. Very good and about 3/4 of the way through. I'm also looking at reading some Richard Morgan books. Richard Morgan is a very good sci-fi writer, though they're very detailed and of a darker bent. Very hard to get into, but amazing. If you're interested, check out Altered Carbon by him, I borrowed it from school about 6 months ago and I'm mostly reading the sequels.

What else? Music. New songs are:
Deeper Water by Paul Kelly, I am going to learn it on guitar.
How To Make Gravy by Paul Kelly.
Black Dog by Led Zep.
Johnny I Hardly Knew Ya and I'm Shipping Up To Boston by the Dropkick Murphys. Bloody good fun to sing and the lyrics are pretty easy to remember.
Purity by Slipknot, it's live version particularly.
Prelude 12/21 by AFI.
Sunrise, Sunset by Bright Eyes.
Disappear by Motion City Soundtrack.
It's Not the End of the World, But I Can See It from Here by Lostprophets.
Ov Fire and the Void by Behemoth. Great guitar intro I reckon.
I'm not sure what to think of Teenage Crime by Adrian something. I like it though.

I've left out something else; what I got for Christmas! A cool bracelet thingy and a wallet with a chain from my mum (pics tomorrow), a check for 100 dollars, a cool shirt from my bro and a towel :D. I got my dad some golf balls, my mum two bracelets, my brother a rubber band ball and 'naughty' marker thingies from typo and my cousin a mug. I'm going to spent the money on CD's. Most of it anyway.

Written while camping:
 I dreamed last night that you were a princess and because I was a commoner your father (who looked like my Lit teacher) wouldn't let us be together. When I woke up I realised that while such medieval practices are no longer in place, in real life I made you the princess and myself the commoner and decided that we didn't work together because you're so amazing and I'm so dull.
The profoundness was kinda lost when you turned into an animation and I became part of a picture book, though now I think about it, that kinda fits in. Regardless, by the time I woke up a rabbit was teaching a dog and cat about the finer points of love, sex and marriage, including an amusing anecdote about the "Dewey's" a pair of lovestruck rabbits who both passed out after they had sex the first time.

Written on the way to bowling:
I realised today that some people actually don't know what it's like to be in love. Furthermore, most people my age don't know the feeling, It made me think that maybe I'm getting it wrong somehow.

Holy crud it's midnight. I'm just gonna dump these pictures here. They mean things to me. Goodnight. Here's hoping my cold will be gone in the morning. Also, I'm going to do a the Cassie tag tomorrow, I haven't in ages and I really want to. :D