Live not just survive.

So..
This is just a small update post, sorry I haven't in a while. I had an okay Christmas and New Years. I think I say this every year (I'm not going to check for once) but New Year's is never amazing for me and I think it's because I keep thinking something extraordinary is going to happen and it never does. I can't help but give in to the public hype, despite my own cynical attitude to the whole celebration. I spent it with friends so I guess it was a good one. New Year's day I headed to Queensland for a week and stayed with some of my Dad's friends. I got pretty bored at times there, but I filled my days for the most part. After I came back to Melbourne, I've just been trying to get a job (in the most roundabout way possible). I've gone to Sponge's a few times, saw Full Metal Jacket (good movie) and The Road to El Dorado (cause why not). Other than that I've just been hanging out at home thinking about all the games I could play (my poor Steam account has barely been touched) books I could be reading (I miss my school library) and movies/tv shows I could be watching (I miss Hime). Right now I'm writing this post with Wombat and Sponge sleeping over, which is nice I guess.

I've been staying up, having too many all-nighters. I hate doing it, because I feel like I wasted the whole of the next day sleeping. With that in mind, I'll probably go to bed soon. If I can find somewhere to sleep...
So now I'm just surfing the net, thinking about yellow roses and how I really need to read One The Road, some Vonnegut and Nietzsche. Consider this a reminder.

Well, Goodnight.

Dreaming.

So..
I'm sick *sneezes* so I've been home all day. Sleeping mostly, though I read Eragon and watched a bit of TV. I had a couple of cool dreams, but I can't remember them.

I no longer dream of eyes,
That sparkle like stars,
Or green and blue like the sea.
I no longer dream of hair,
black as night,
Or red and gold like sunset.
I no longer dream of lips,
 painted red,
Or as plain and beautiful,
as the mid-morning dew.
But even as I wonder,
if this is good or bad.
I know that I will, again
Someday.

One of my worse poems, free verse is annoying.

I read High Fidelity again. Gooood book.

Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep

So..

Hello my followers! Mein Gott I haven't posted in over three weeks! I've been busy. And it feels good. I hate when i sit around for days on end, it makes me feel...useless.

So what have I been up to? I went to a friend's house on the 19th (i think) and stayed for 6 days, coming home on Christmas Eve. We had two all-nighters (there is nothing quite like playing pool at three in the morning) and went to bed past 12 two of the other three nights. We did stuff on the internets and talked and played video games. The usual. Our second all nighter was my last night at his place and we were at highpoint the whole time. Bought my Christmas presents around 4 because I'm that amazing. Then I got a lift home and immediately went out again (still hadn't slept) to get my dad's present, then stayed up til past 12 anyway.

Christmas was okay, hope yours was better. We had a family dinner with my mum's relatives, so pretty dull but I survived. Boxing Day saw me off camping with my brother and dad. I don't enjoy camping too much, but I survived it. My friend I'd had a sleep over with (his name's Alex) came up too so it weren't too bad. Not much to do except play on my laptop and his iPhone. We're two boring guys what can I say?

My brother drove home the third day (29th i think) and me and Alex caught the bus back home on New Years Eve. I arrived home at 1115 and again left immediately to go bowling with some old friends. After the bowling (i came third of four) we went to one guys house and hung around before the three of us left left him there and went to the next house and stayed awhile. Then it was train to Wombats house so he could change and then we all met up and went to a New Year's Eve party hosted by the lovely Camelgirl and Cat. Very fun party, lots of loud music, not too many people, I had fun. Counted down to midnight then got a lift home with Wombat around 2. New Years Day (Holy cow yesterday) I got up at 8 (after less than five hours sleep) and went to E's house (Yes we're still friends, No we're not going to get back together as far as I know, Yes it's a terrible codename). We watched some episodes of Dexter, wandered around, and then stayed up til 3 30 watching The Amityville Horror. Fun movie.

Got home around 430 today and caught up on my internets (I'd barely gotten the chance to do some manga-reading with all this rushing around) then watched Big Bang, How I Met Your Mother and a recording of the Doctor Who Christmas special I missed. And now I have a cold. It's not surprising really, a string of late/all nighters, not eating very well right now and it was freezing last night. All in all, I'm feeling pretty darn pleased with myself. Going back to camp on Tuesday or Wednesday with my brother to help my dad pack it all up (did you notice that we left him there?) and then I'll still have three weeks of the holidays left over. Blimey. I'll have to start working on my holiday homework though, trying to get serious about school work this year (Year 11 woot!)

That's not all of it. I read the original Frankenstein because we're doing it for Lit this year and it was pretty bad. I tried reading some other ones but it's all pretty bad actually :P. I have been reading Raymond E. Feist's Midkemia books, as some of you know. Very good and about 3/4 of the way through. I'm also looking at reading some Richard Morgan books. Richard Morgan is a very good sci-fi writer, though they're very detailed and of a darker bent. Very hard to get into, but amazing. If you're interested, check out Altered Carbon by him, I borrowed it from school about 6 months ago and I'm mostly reading the sequels.

What else? Music. New songs are:

Deeper Water by Paul Kelly, I am going to learn it on guitar.

How To Make Gravy by Paul Kelly.

Black Dog by Led Zep.

Johnny I Hardly Knew Ya and I'm Shipping Up To Boston by the Dropkick Murphys. Bloody good fun to sing and the lyrics are pretty easy to remember.

Purity by Slipknot, it's live version particularly.

Prelude 12/21 by AFI.

Sunrise, Sunset by Bright Eyes.

Disappear by Motion City Soundtrack.

It's Not the End of the World, But I Can See It from Here by Lostprophets.

Ov Fire and the Void by Behemoth. Great guitar intro I reckon.

I'm not sure what to think of Teenage Crime by Adrian something. I like it though.

I've left out something else; what I got for Christmas! A cool bracelet thingy and a wallet with a chain from my mum (pics tomorrow), a check for 100 dollars, a cool shirt from my bro and a towel :D. I got my dad some golf balls, my mum two bracelets, my brother a rubber band ball and 'naughty' marker thingies from typo and my cousin a mug. I'm going to spent the money on CD's. Most of it anyway.

Written while camping:

 I dreamed last night that you were a princess and because I was a commoner your father (who looked like my Lit teacher) wouldn't let us be together. When I woke up I realised that while such medieval practices are no longer in place, in real life I made you the princess and myself the commoner and decided that we didn't work together because you're so amazing and I'm so dull.

The profoundness was kinda lost when you turned into an animation and I became part of a picture book, though now I think about it, that kinda fits in. Regardless, by the time I woke up a rabbit was teaching a dog and cat about the finer points of love, sex and marriage, including an amusing anecdote about the "Dewey's" a pair of lovestruck rabbits who both passed out after they had sex the first time.

Written on the way to bowling:

I realised today that some people actually don't know what it's like to be in love. Furthermore, most people my age don't know the feeling, It made me think that maybe I'm getting it wrong somehow.

Holy crud it's midnight. I'm just gonna dump these pictures here. They mean things to me. Goodnight. Here's hoping my cold will be gone in the morning. Also, I'm going to do a the Cassie tag tomorrow, I haven't in ages and I really want to. :D

When days feel like minutes and minutes feel like hours

So..
We are born with the belief that our fathers are gods, invincible, indestructible, immortal. Then we grow and realise that he is just a mortal man. And a little magic leaves the world.
I'm trying to write meaningful things, but I can't say it right. The ideas are delicate, if they aren't expressed properly, they lose meaning.

From my ideas book:
I want to live to live to see the day my son walks up to me and plays me a song I hadn't heard in 20 years. I want to be able to look at him and say "I remember when that came out." And I want to be able to tell him a story of forgotten summers, parties, beaches and girls.

Its like you go on this long journey and just end up back where you started, a little wiser, world-weary and alone again

I saw a man wearing a silver replica of the One Ring today! :D 29/7

You know you've cleaned your teeth properly when you draw blood.

Not a lover, not a fighter, not a thinker, not a doer, just a dreamer.

Hide your eyes behind your hair,
Take your sister to the fair,
She's young, she doesn't need to know,
The places her brother likes to go.

That last one was inspired by Catcher in the Rye believe it or not. Lost innocence and all that.
Dinner time. More later?

Something deep and meaningful

So..
There's no easy way to say this. E broke up with me. Don't feel sad, I'm not heartbroken. It was pretty predictable, in the end it was just a case of seeing how long it would take. Honestly, I'm fine about it. Calm. Peaceful. Serene. Most of the time. It kinda hit me hard when I put my iTunes on shuffle and The Mess I Made by Parachute came on. It's a very sad song and I suddenly felt very teary. It was the opening lines that did it. But that was the exception and I've mostly been able to look on the bright side.

I've been reading The Elegance Of The Hedgehog after Erimentha recommended it. It's an incredible book. It's pretty hard to understand at times because the ideas in it are so complex, but on the whole I'm enjoying it.

I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed right now. I have a couple of pieces of homework that are due soon or overdue, which is bad. I'm thinking I might stay up late and finish something off, though I might be too tired/slack-assed. I have to organise my work my work experience, which is frustrating, as well as my community service. In the good news, I get to do Nirvana for a history project. So yeah, coolest history assignment ever I reckon. I also have my busiest fortnight ever this weekend and next. A friend's band is playing tomorrow night, then I'm going to the football and a birthday party on Saturday and going to see a movie on Sunday. The following weekend I'm sleeping over at a friends on Friday night then I have basketball and a school function on Saturday. Thank God I have a bye at basketball this weekend. I'm having trouble keeping track of it all. I also have to get four different birthday presents. Four!

It's all good though.

I'm starting to feel a little restricted with what I can say on Blogger right now. So many of my followers are personal friends and it makes it harder to express myself sometimes. A long time ago I didn't care what anyone thought of me. I was happy doing whatever it was I wanted to do and I never needed anyone else. Then I hit high school and that got harder and harder. Sometimes I can recapture my old fully-independent glory, but it's fleeting. I hate to say anything boring and cliched, but I guess it's part of growing up.

Random fact: Kurt Cobain wanted Nirvana's third album In Utero to be called I Hate Myself And I Want To Die, as this was he had begun saying whenever anyone asked him how he was. I think it's brilliant. When I found out though, I thought about saying it myself in ironic homage, but I realised I would be taken too seriously. It seems everyone is worried about teenage depression these days and I can see their point, but sometimes the over-protection is suffocating. I figure, if we managed to survive for over three thousand years without parents psychoanalysing their children, why start now? I guess teenage suicide is a genuine problem, but it just so annoying.

New music:

Lithium, Come As You Are and Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana
Dracula From Houston and Whatever (I Had A Dream) by Butthole Surfers
Oh! Hark by Lisa Mitchell
Giving Up The Gun by Vampire Weekend
Struck Down by Clutch
The entire By The Way album by The Red Hot Chili Peppers
Oh You Pretty Things! by David Bowie
Magic by B.O.B.
Plans by Birds Of Tokyo (amazing song)
See Emily Play by Pink Floyd
If I Had You by Adam Lambert (He's gay! WOOoo!)
Dance The Way I Feel by Ou Est Le Swimming Pool (Where Is The Swimming Pool in French if you didn't know)
Flowers On The Wall by The Statler Brothers
Losing My Religion by R.E.M.
Parlez Vous Francais by Art Vs Science
If You Leave by OMD
Cooler Than Me by Mike Posner

Take It Off by Kesha
Half Of My Heart by John Mayer
Dancing In The Storm by Boom Crash Opera
For The First Time by The Script
Asylum by Disturbed
High Hopes by Pink Floyd

LOOK AT THAT BABY! Weirdest baby I have ever seen.
I don't remember why, but I was looking up Shakespeare on We Heart It.

Goodnight !

I still remember when all I thought you were eating was my pride.

So..
I'm pretty dumb. I'm feeling a slight chill because I haven't put the heater on, I have a FUCKLOAD of homework I should be doing and you know what? I'm happy. I'm freakin' happy.
I just finished a book called Boy Toy, which is written by the same guy who wrote The Astonishing Adventures Of Fanboy and Goth Girl. It was alright, had a very good ending. I also read a book called..uhh.. I can't remember right now. But it was good. I'm wearing my new contacts and I reckon I might stay up late and do homework.
I'd like to welcome my two new followers, Belle and u.zu.maki. You're both obviously awesome, especially as you brought my follower count up to 17. Which is of course the awesomest number in the universe.

I figured out a temporary solution to a math problem I was working on (You can skip the next paragraph if you like, algebra and basic math). I was trying to figure out an equation for the number of possible rearrangements an x number of lettered word can have. a one letter word has one possible arrangement (I) a two letter two rearrangements (at,ta) a three letter word has six (two,wot,tow,wto,owt,otw) and so on. The half-solution is the number of possible rearrangements is the number of letters times the number of arrangements for the previous number of letters (1 x 2 =2, 2 x 3 = 6, 6 x 4 = 24). This isn't a proper answer though because it means you have to know the number of possible rearrangements for a letter count of one less than the word you want. But enough algebra.

I wish I had a picture to put up, but I don't think so. I'll look later. I kinda need one to segue into something annoyingly cryptic about love, life etc.


EDIT: Found pictures.
Listen to the world and know that in this moment, just for a bit, you are indestructible.
I love growing up sometimes. (click to see it better)
Wait no, that a loss too. How about a nice game of chess?


So what if I turn around and you're right there? And if you aren't? What if someone else is? What then?

Joke me something awful just like kisses, on the necks of 'just friends"

So..
[There are 19 pictures in this post so watch out for your download limit. You have been warned.]
I have a tag! I completely forgot that Dandalily tagged me for Cassie's therapy video..tag..thing.
So here we go. I love doing this one.

I like boys with interesting hobbies and girls with beautiful smiles.

I like music that reminds me of happier times.

I like sketching in the middle of class - on the table, on my arms, in my books.

I like thinking about what I'm going to do when I leave school.

I like tolerant people.

I like my long-for-a-guy hair.

I like bone white, jet black, blood red and dark green.

I like rearranging words and letters.

I like happy endings in books.

I like those few seconds after I wake up from an awesome dream and I remember it all.

I like my new computer.
I like seeing movies with friends.
I love daydreaming

Today my basketball team won despite my shitty playing.

In some ways, I love everything.
Its less, its less of a thing to like, its less distinct, its less particular

I like things that I like but I love everything

There’s more choice in like

Cos even the worst things have things you love in them

I don’t know what you mean about things I hate

I hate my homework.

I hate it when I'm in a crowd of people, and yet I'm still all alone.

I hate it when my stupid download limit means I have to get off the computer.
I hate being powerless.I hate how much my mum and I fight now.I hate that I grew up.

I hate that almost everyone I know now is better than me in everything.

I hate how pathetic I am but in a way, I love how awesome I can be.
I hate most of my body.
I hate that I'm stuck here on a Saturday night, staring at the walls, when I want to be with you.

I hate this, wow. . .

Sorry.

Sorry about the picture overload. I went through a lot of we heart it yesterday, got a lot of stuff.
I read a book yesterday called The Astonishing Adventures of Fanboy and Goth Girl. I realised about a quarter of the way in that it was bound to have a unhappy ending, but I was desperate to finish. Kind of like "please just get it over with" at the same time as "noo i don't want to read it." In the end it wasn't that bad of an ending, though it wasn't exactly the one I wanted.
I saw Kick-Ass on Thursday with two friends of mine. Very. Awesome. Movie.

I worked like a dog for you. I worked like a dog.

So..
In my room, There are two bookshelves about 2 meters tall and 70cm wide. One of them is completely full of fiction, a few kids magazines and a few other odds and ends. The other has basketball trophies (for participation) on the top, momentos on the first shelf and a stereo on the second, the rest is books.
There's another bookshelf behind my door that's about 40cm wide and a 130cm tall. It also is full of book and a few computer games. Under my bed are three boxes, two are full and one is a third full. I lent a large number of my favourite books to Camelgirl a while ago.
I fell in love with reading when I was about 4 or so. I remember my mum or dad reading Harry Potter to me, and then after they left opening the book and reading it myself because I couldn't wait. In primary school I would spent my recess and lunchtime sitting on a bench reading. I didn't have any friends and I didn't care. When the fifth HP came out, I read it during class. The teacher's didn't care too much, I was still one of the better students.
About grade five or six I started caring and didn't read as much. After high school started I began using the computer more and now I spent most evenings reading manga on the computer.*
I've read so much that one day I realised I had started turning my life into a story, just to make it interesting. I'll do something and start narrating in my head, does anyone else do this?
I often get ahead of myself, and daydream of what's going to happen next. I make up a story that revolves around me, and set myself up for disappointment when I don't get my happy ending. I've spent my life reading stories and making up my own, but never making my own. If that makes sense.

*For those who don't know, manga is like a Japanese form of comics, but far more diverse in their subject range. It is becoming very popular in the West. Astro Boy and Dragon Ball were both manga that were turned into an anime (Japanese cartoons).

P.S. And, halfway through writing this post my mum arrived home with two bags of books she bought from the library. Fortunately there was only one I wanted.:)

Westley never dies.

So..
I just finished reading The Princess Bride, a thoroughly enjoyable book for all ages. I loved the movie as a kid and now I want to see it again. I remember in about Grade 5 for a time I walked around saying "Hello. My name is something something, you killed my father, prepare to die" and then "Stop saying that!" over and over. I didn't remember Inigo Montoya's name, shame on me.
Tomorrow I leave for Canberra early in the morning, so I have to pack ASAP.
Camelgirl's given me a new tag that she's made herself. You have to 'introduce/describe yourself' and tag three people. Okay let's see how I go.

Hello my name is Jokerman. I'm not telling you my real name because then it's not very mysterious is it? Not that most of you don't know it anyway but let me have my fun. I can start learning to drive in two months, which makes me sad because it means I'm really not a kid anymore. I go to Melbourne High - you know the nerd school - even though I'm a massive slacker and procrastinator. I've loved reading for as long as I can remember. I wish I played an instrument and I love most kinds of music. I spend most of my pocket money on Slurpees and CD's - when I get pocket money. I play xbox and read manga to pass the time. I play basketball and though I'm the first or second tallest, I'm one of the worst. I love playing anyway. I started this blog because Camelgirl told me to, and now I love it.

Now I have to get packed. I tag this to Smorginator, Sabine aaaand Elfie.

Three little birdies went down to the shore

So..

Put me back together,
Or seperate the skin from bone.
Leave me all the pieces,
The you can leave me alone,
Tell me the reality is better than the dream,
Caues I found out the hard way
Nothing is what it seems!

Hmm. I forgot to say, I read An Abundance Of Katherines a little while ago. It's probably my favourite of John Green's books as it has a much lighter tone than his other books.
I borrowed Catch-22 and another book from the library today. I brought Catch-22 home, but left the other one behind. I had a good day today. I didn't get in trouble like I thought I would for not doing my homework (again). My favourite was the last two periods where I had drawing. I spoen half the lesson just deciding what picture to draw, then printed off a biohazard symbol to sketch. I've done most of it, so it shouldn't take too long to finish in the next lesson.
So all up I'm feeling pretty good.
I've been reading a manga calleed Kaikan Phrase. It's absolutely disgusting honestly, but I can't stop reading it. Basically, a high school girl meets a famous popstar, they fall in love and she becomes hhis band's lyricist. Its a type of manga called shojo, which is intended for girls below the age of about 20. It unabashedly outlines the perfct relationship, and is completely unrealistic. So yeah. Absolutely horrible and I can't stop. I'm so sad sometimes.
Hmm. That's enough I think.

Looking For Alaska

So..
I just realised I mentioned Looking For Alaska in my last post, but I haven't actually said anything about it before. Looking For Alaska is this awesome book I found out about when I found a quote from it on We Heart It. I didn't expect to find it in my school library, but it was, so I borrowed it.Its quite a sad story, but i really liked it.
My mum found my ring, so I'm got it on my little finger. Iss so pwetty. The We Heart It pictures I wanted to put up are on my normal computer, so i can't get to them because its broken. *tear*

Ride On.

So..
Much to talk about. I have a ring with a skull on it, being the emogoth I apparently am. The funny part is that my grandma gave it to me, which is not a typical grandparent to grandchild present as far as I'm aware. I was wearing it on my ring finger, but it was tight, hard to get off and doing weird things to the patch of skin under it. Now I've left it somewhere and I don't know where. Oh well. I borrowed this book called Paper Towns by the same guy who wrote Looking For Alaska - John Green. He's become my favourite writer, but he's only written three books so far *tear*. It was a good book. :D
I have a new follower (Sabine Cara) who will probably run away very quickly once she 1. finds out I only know a few Lily Allen songs 2. reads some more of my posts and 3. realises I'm mad. Och well.
I also got a tag from Camelgirl for Cassie's therapy video. Again :o .
I don't mind :D. I'm gonna do it again and see if any of my answers are the same as last time.
Now let's see..

Abracadabra, Wow!
I like boys with a sense of humour and big dreams and girls with big dreams and a sense of humour.
I like people who accept my weirdness as an essential part of me.
I like getting answers to tricky questions first.
I like reading doomed love stories. (John Green again[and Shakespeare])
I like staying up late at night, talking.
I liked how things used to be.

I like rearranging words to see if they spell anything else.

I like being needed.

I like doing silly things with my friends to pass the time.

I like it when I can think of things I like that aren't weird or depressing.:D

I like it when I truly believe I can reach my dreams.

I like the characters in stories are unconventional, but inspirational.
I love laughing simply because I can and there's a reason to.
Today I laughed uncontrollably because the teacher said 'Six', watched the Zefferelli version of Romeo and Juliet (the best PG film of all time), got the answer to a logic problem first, even though I wasn't even paying attention, I was reading then I looked up, found out what they were talking about and got the answer instantly.

In some ways, I love everything.
Its less, its less of a thing to like, its less distinct, its less particular
I like things that I like but I love everything
There’s more choice in like
Cos even the worst things have things you love in them
I don’t know what you mean about things I hate
I hate it when I wake up in the middle of a good dream.

I hate people who think there's something wrong with me, just because I'm unconventional.

I hate it when I don't understand what I did wrong.

I hate it when I get my hopes up, then see them crushed, or pushed aside.
I hate how growing up changes people, including me.
I hate that I'm losing my old friends, and I don't care enough to try.

I hate being alone but in a way, sometimes it can be useful.
I hate my cynical, nihilistic side
I hate this, wow. . .
Sorry.

Well now. This is called the act of - wait. Oops wrong place...
Hmm. What else is new? Oh, for almost all of yesterday I had the song Its Too Late by Evermore stuck in my head. It was good. It's actually a pretty sad song, but it kept me uplifted for some reason. I'm glad it did though.
I'm actually feeling quite good after writing that, which surprises me. Writing down what I'm thinking and feeling is a kind of release I suppose.
I also borrowed and read a book called The Jester by James Patterson and.. Someone Gross. As in, I borrowed it in the morning and read it through the day, and finished it a few minutes after I got home. I'm a fast reader.
Umm. OH! I know! I bought the Master Of Puppets album from a market person. It cost me 2 bucks and plays fine, though the cover is a bit old. I found a new song I like on it called Welcome Home (Sanitarium). The opening lines are very good.

Welcome to where time stands still,
Where no-one leaves and no-one will.

And later..

Sleep my friend and you will see,
The dream is my reality.

And the chorus..

Sanitarium.
Leave me be.
Sanitarium.
Just leave me alone.

Thats all for now. I post again soon though, I want to put up some weheartit stuff I found.