Take its broken waist in your hand.

So..
Gather round people
I'll tell you a story
A ten year long story
Of power and pride....

Not really. I have been neglecting CD recently, which you might have noticed (and let's face it, you haven't) means that I've been keeping busy and not dwelling on depressing things to write up here. But I have to write this one, or I'll be breaking a promise and we can't have that can we?

So yeah, been busy. More on that another time. But I'm kind of annoyed at the moment. School's out forever, and I somewhere in the back of my mind, I guess I always assumed that after high school you somehow magically grew up, that relationships became "mature" overnight somehow. But I haven't changed a bit, as usual. And I know that now I'll meet many new people, form new friendships as well as maintain old ones. But I don't want to meet new people or make new friends. And I can't be bothered working to maintain contact with the 15 or so people I care about.

I just want my conversations in the classroom and the library back, my old childish romanticism and my stressful school life back. Buuuut I can't. I never wanted to grow up, but I've said that a million times.

So uh, what else. Marriage is depressing (cf. Take This Waltz) and so is a lot of other things. I'm sick of feeling like its a crime to tell a girl she's beautiful and sick of feeling sad, lonely and cold. I'm sick of a lot of things. I guess nothing is wrong right now. But there's nothing in particular to look forward to either.

Get up, go do my course, convene with the extended family for Christmas. Organise doctors appointments. Go to Soundwave. Accept my first round offer and organise for uni. Go to uni. So on, so on. Nothing in my immediate future is exciting. I used to get really depressed over the pointlessness of my life, now I just try to accept it and find things to enjoy.

 So that's about it I think.

Take me to the April sun in Cuba.

So..
I'm so tired. Not physically (though I am that a bit) but emotionally and mentally. We're doing stress in Psych at school and all I can think about is how after extended exposure to a stressor, the body becomes unable to resist any longer and enters exhaustion. I wish I had someone to talk to about my problems, but let's be honest, I just want someone to solve them. Talking wouldn't help anyway, but neither is reading my old blog posts and wondering if I can cry.  I'm desperate for VCE to be over, and I'm desperate to do well. I don't want to do my IT work, or my Lit, Psych and Maths revision. I don't want to stay awake, but I'm afraid of my nightmares and of waking up again. So I'm just sitting listening to April Sun in Cuba by Dragon, cause there's nothing in it to make me feel anything. Except now I'm trying to tell if one of the lyrics has the word "baby". Maybe it doesn't - nope there it is. Damn it. Now I need a new song.

Sorry.

A not so old draft. ".execute"

It appears that we have reached the edge
That zenith where stimuli and comatose collide.
Forty years ago the man proclaimed
The age of the gross to be upon us,
And even though the man was destroying our heritage,
And insulting our intelligence
That era has become very real.

We labor for pleasure and abhor the guilt of pressure
My generation will go down as the architects
Of contemporary disgust.

Some have fought and died,
Others have allowed the strong to be butchered for a price
They themselves don't care about and will never understand.
I myself am beleaguered by the selfish face
Of a kind of man that is not mankind.

Distrust in information.
Fundamentalism of opinion.
Catastrophic boredom and a fanatical devotion
To that which does. not. matter!

Where is your glory now, people?
Where are your gods and politicians?
Where is your shame and salvation?
You rage for no reason, because you have no reason.

What have you ever fought for?
What have you ever bled for?
The face of the earth is scarred with the walking dead
The age of the gross is a living virus.

This is the future you have created.
This is the world you have set ablaze!
All your lies are coming true,
All freedom is lost, All Hope is Gone!

"Run." said the voices and he ran. He ran from his past, from his parents, from his friends. From his music, from his anxiety, his depression. From his books and his bed, his heart and his soul. He ran from the girls he had liked and the women he'd loved, from his apologies and obsessions. He ran from his failures and successes, from his hopes and his dreams, from his nightmares and realities. He ran through streets and alleys, by-ways and highways, footpaths and train tracks. He ran from the smell of her hair and the taste of her skin and the way she smiled at him. He ran from his beliefs and his prejudices, his regrets and his shame. He ran from the feeling on the back of his hand, the head on his shoulder, the arms round his waist. He ran from his joy and his fury. He ran from his ideas and his memories. He ran from who he was and who he wasn't. He ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ranandheranandheranandheran.

What I've been listening to.

So..
Now that I've been released from the pressure of doing a good 200th post, I can get back to the business of my normal posting. I'm not going to write about what I did between my 198th and 200th posts, since I a.) can't be bothered and b.) can't remember. Which is a pity, but life goes on. Instead, here's a bunch of songs I've been listening to.

Thought this one would depress me, but it made me laugh instead. The chorus isn't amazing, but whatever.

This one did depress me once I listened to the lyrics properly.

Been meaning to listen to this again for ages, finally did. It's nice enough

... Catchy I guess. Video's not very good.

Chorus is the only good part of this to be honest

Watch this. Right now.

Ah, 90s rap.

It's a great song guys. Honest!

Old Blink-182, in preparation for Soundwave.

She's got a good voice. This video tripped me out first time I saw it though. On Rage. At like 11, when I'm half-asleep on the couch.

Meh. Fun.

So "Victory Song" by Ensiferum isn't exactly the most apt song to be listening to but...

So..
 Been a long time since I put some music up on here. I made a Youtube playlist of Folk Metal songs I like, because downloading is annoying and I my computer was reset and so I don't have stuff. Anyway.

Swords in their hands,

They killed each and every man,

Who dared to invade their sacred land.

Victory songs are rising in the night

Tell all of their undying strength and might.

So school's back tomorrow. Still can't bring myself to care too much, as always. I just don't want to go is all. I'll get through this I guess.

I still miss you sometimes. And for that I apologise.

Woody Harrelson as Haymitch. Gonna be awesome.

So..

I want to be in love again. I want to believe that an ordinary girl could make the world shine like the sun and make me happy by just existing. Instead of this grey world I trudge through everyday indifferent and lonely. Shit.

I'm over you.
Congratulations!
And thank you for all of the pain
'Cause it made it be so much more fun!


There's nothing to say now,
The feelings are already dead.
And I don't believe there's a way now,
All that is said has been said.


I'm waiting for another day,
Another way
I don't believe that you 
Can make all the pain go away!




I bought Sum 41's latest album Screaming Bloody Murder. Did I mention that? I also bought Slipknot's All Hope is Gone and Skrillex's Bangarang. An eclectic collection no doubt.

Going to see The Hunger Games next week. Should be fun.
Got homework to do, school sucks etc etc.
Have a nice day.

As long as I breathe, I'll call you my home.

So..
I'm feeling better. I want to go to bed and I'm writing this to avoid my Psych homework, but I'm feeling better.
This is my new favourite song. I wanted to cry listening to it this morning. Isn't that crazy? Still, I thought it was beautiful, emotional. No accounting for taste I suppose.

Sometimes I just want to listen to soft songs, happy love songs. Too bad I can't remember any. I found this though, which suits.

 

I don't know what else to say. Please listen to both songs. They're good, I promise.

So yeah...:)

Back to Psych I guess.

*beats head against wall*

So..

I've been listening to this song over and over. I like it. I can't be bothered explaining all the stuff behind the singer's origins and shiz. It's not that interesting. Look it up if you really want, but I don't mind if you don't.

I wonder if I'll be okay in the end.

So..
I wrote something in my phone, tapping away at the touch screen on a failed trip to my mind. I need to do some homework now I always need to and I know I shouldn't be writing this - I know what I should be doing, so writing something that isn't my Lit essay, or my three English essays feels like giving up. So now I'm hoping praying pleading Joker listen to yourself don't ignore my screams that what I'm writing here will be a trigger for more writing.

So this is what I wrote. I believed it at the time. I haven't changed a word.


Sea of Humanity
I'm tumbling down through a sea of humanity. The realization that nothing actually matters is final and freeing. If nothing matters, then no one matters either. Fairness becomes irrelevant, manners pointless, kindness verges on debilitating. If rudeness is easier than no reason remain to not be rude. If I want something, taking it is only logical. Hatred and jealousy become tools rather than weaknesses and faults. My life becomes my own to do with it what I will. Questions of sanity, reason, etc. are unimportant. Lost in a sea of humanity, humanity itself is increasingly unimportant. 'Common values' drift away, useless in a world bereft of meaning. Bits of me peel off, taken by this reeking bilge water of people. why should I care if I am considered inhuman? Even if I still cared for the opinion of others, I do not wish to be a part of this curse on the earth. Emotions only delay my departure, some remaining desire for companionship only slows my desperate fall. Far better to be alone away from the insane mass of hate, passion, love, indifference, that is society. Any desire I had to be a part of this is long gone. Let [me] be free, or let me die.


No one can control me. By their own misguided laws they cannot touch me. They can take away things from me and I certainly have plenty to lose, but there is nothing to threaten me with, nothing I care for enough to worry about losing. And when they take everything they can and still cannot control me, then I have won.


That's it. If you read it (which I doubt - it's not worth it) then you can see it's bad. Its not clever, or informative or anything important. Just the whining of a spoiled brat not getting what he wants. I do that a lot.


It was my birthday two days ago. I've stopped caring about giving bits of my self away. So you know when my birthday is. Good for you. I'm not stupid enough to allow any of my passwords to have anything to do with anything as basic as my birthday. It's just a date anyway. Birthdays aren't that significant I think. I certainly don't put much by mine. I'm seventeen. I've felt seventeen for a while now.

I can't think of any of the fascinating, interesting things I was going to say. I think I'm trying to reach out, find something that means something. Or someone, more likely. I'm not heartless, I'm not empty, I'm not a monster. I'm just taking a while to get over my broken heart. Pathetic.

Clock:

I hope I can make it through to the holidays.

Hime:

Do you know who you are? I doubt it. I'm getting tired of having to care about you.

Droid:

You don't seem to understand how I feel about you.

Meth:

I hope you die alone.

Wombat and Sponge:

You guys deserve a better friend than I.

Soulless:

It's funny how the simplest line can start something.

You:

Why?

Everyone else, I can't be bothered thinking of something to say.

My new theory (I have a few) is that the idea that we're all going to die because of global warming is one I've grown up with. That the apocalypse is now, and why bother doing anything long term if we're all going to hell in our lifetimes. Is that why I don't care?

 It kills me not to know this,

But I've all but just forgotten,

What the colour of her eyes were,

And her scars or how she got them.

-Savior by Rise Against

I can still remember the words and what they meant

-Audience of One by Rise Against

Do you remember? You stupid bitch you said you cried at what I said. Now we're far apart and aren't you fucking happy.

We're OK!

Until the day we're not.

Posts, Jealousy, Realisations, Letters and Music

So..
I'm back! I know that I'm posting about the time I normally would be, considering my posts have been a lot more spaced out over the last few months. But making the decision to not blog made me realise how much I've come to depend on Commence Download. As a kind of personal therapy, to vent my frustrations and sadness. And I have plenty to write so I'll most likely forget it all.

Nothing interesting to note, I'm now using the new post layout, thank you Aoife.
I note that I haven't had any new followers in a long while. I suspect many of my old ones have stopped reading also, I know if you follow heaps of blogs you tend to skip reading the boring ones. I only follow people who follow me, which probably is responsible for my low follower numbers. I don't mind too much as I don't usually (read never) talk about blogs in the real world, so its hard to get jealous of people with high follower numbers.

Speaking of jealousy, I realised quite soon after my last post (or possible slightly before it) that I am a jealous person. A part of me knew that fact but I only recently actually voiced the fact, made it a conscious realisation. I'm jealous of people with iPhones, I'm jealous of guys with girlfriends, I;m jealous of motivated people, I'm jealous of people with money, I've jealous of constantly happy people (they're probably covering for something but how would I know?). I'm jealous of handsome men, sexy men, friends, enemies, acquaintances etc.
The people I'm most jealous of, regularly and without fail, are people who get to interact with whoever my crush is at that time. People (particularly guys of course) who get to see, talk to, laugh at, laugh with, smile at, get smiled at, piss of, comfort, kiss, hug and whatever with my crush.

God I hate that word. Crush sounds so childish, like I'm a 8 year old with a crush on the girl next to me in class. Anyway, there's nothing I can do about it; 'my love' is too..personal and adult. It would make me sound like a 17 year old who thinks he's met the woman he's going to spend the rest of his life with.

Anyway. Where was I, oh yeah. So having a crush sucks major balls. I want them to laugh, cry, kiss, hug etc etc only with me. Which is kinda hard when you go to an all boys school and your current crush lives 100 kilometers away. Not the happiest circumstances.

And yes, I still like my ex-girlfriend. So what? happens all the time. I'll get over it eventually, and everything was fine until I told her a few days ago. Now I'm not sure what's going to happen. 'Just friends' would be fine thank you very much. Why can't girls handle it when you tell them you like them? I didn't even say I loved her, I said "I might not love you, but I have a major crush". I ranting a bit. Wish I hadn't said major, that sounds weird. Anyway.

I'm fine though, I'll live. Such things pass. I actually decided to make a post because I wanted to do something a bit different and write some letters. They're quite personal, so we'll see how far I'm willing to go.

First up,

Dear Ex-Girlfriend,

The thing that bugs me the most, is that we had a pathetic relationship. Honestly our "relationship" went for two months and consisted of one date, one time I went to the footy with you and your parents (nice people by the way) and lots of long conversations ending in "I love you" I think you might have meant it at the start. But that, my dear, is not a relationship. You know what I think? I think I was safe. Easy to deal with, far away, completely impersonal.

And then you broke up with me. I was expecting it, I got over it. We didn't talk for a while and then somehow we did. It the last two weeks I've learned a lot about you. And I know now you have
problems like everyone else along with some special ones of your own.

I can't get angry with you. I can't get angry because if I'm wrong and you do care all I would achieve is hurting a good friend.

Love Jokerman

Next please.

Dear Hime,
Good friends, then not. Then avoiding and downcast eyes. I thought you were beautiful, but inside just ain't that pretty sometimes. Sorry we fell apart, wish I could have known you better.
I can't say more so,

Goodbye, Jokerman

Those were the two I wanted to write. You see, when I'm bored I make up stories in my head, conversations I wish could happen and and ones I hope don't. Things I'm going to write for the blog, or things to put in it. Fantasizing about life you could say.

I bought Slipknot's album Vol. 3: The Subliminal Verses recently. There's some good stuff on there, but my new favourite is the last track on the album "Danger - Keep Away". It's..eerie. Good listening for a night like this, dark, forbidding. Unintelligible whispers are followed by "we do feel alone, we do feel alone" opening the track. Listen to it, we all have time on the holidays. Turn the lights down, lower the volume so you have to strain a little to hear it. Close the blinds, stick in some earplugs and close your eyes. Maybe you won't like it. It doesn't get as loud as some of their other stuff, which is good.

Other songs I've picked up are Shakira's two hits "Whenever, Wherever" and "Hips Don't Lie". I make no excuses for my musical tastes. Also "Wild At Heart" another Birds of Tokyo song. Fun to hear.

"Na Na Na" and "Sing" by My Chemical Romance are both good, the first for the sound the second for the lyrics.


What else is there? I've forgotten things I wanted to say. This will do, thank you, and good night.

Old broken hearts.

So..
There is no hidden meaning there, we see what we want, ignoring the truth.

An unfortunately long time since my last post. I suppose I'm keeping them regular, if spaced. Exams are over, holidays now. I'm happy sometimes, content the rest. We won basketball today, I can't remember the last time we did that.

I have lots of We Heart It pictures I collected one dull afternoon.
New music is:

Where The Wild Roses Grow, The Weeping Song, The Ship Song and Tupelo by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds. In fact, most of their best of.
We R Who We R by Kesha. Because I'm like that stuff some times.
Raise Your Glass by Pink. Its fun.
This Is The New Shit by Marylin Manson. My kind of music.

Tokyo (Vampires and Wolves) by The Wombats. Fun and insightful I think.
Hold The Line by Toto. A song about persevering when you've got a crush I think. Good song regardless.
Sunshine Of Your Love by Cream. Awesome guitar riffs. The lead singer is Eric Clapton. Elvis was King of Rock n Roll, MJ was King of Pop and Ozzy Osbourne was the Prince of Darkness. You know what Eric Clapton was? God. That's it, just 'God'.

The rain pounds on the roof and I am lost in my thoughts once again. I wonder if I have been too sheltered in my life. Too much of the easy life has made my mind and body weak. And how can you truly be able to appreciate the light the sun brings unless you have stood in the rain while dark clouds beat down your soul into the dirt?


Remember that.
Is that what you think?
Hehehehe.
Sad song, good song.
Urgh
Mother.
Very, very jealous. Curse all boy's schools.
Got the different bit down, now for the irreplaceable.
Heehee. *serious face*
..It doesn't necessarily mean that. But it might..
Painfully true. But no one is listening.

A little random but nevermind (nevermore).

It's been a bad day, please don't take a picture.

So..
Do you ever come across a song, or maybe listen to an old one again and it just fits you so well you want to just fall into it so completely and let it block out everything except that..wonderful maybe, or absorbing sound? But you can't because it can't stop the thoughts in your head and sometimes all you want is for them to just stop, for a half hour maybe, just so you can get some mental rest.
Falling in love is a lot like that sometimes. Just wanting to be consumed by this fixation on the object of your...desire, dreams, whatever you call it. But you can't because your head just gets in the way.
Anyway, tonight that song for me is Bad Day by R.E.M. I just want to see nothing, hear nothing but the music and most of all think nothing. It hasn't been a particularly bad day, I'm just..tired. Tired of exams, of school, of friends and crushes and stories and people.
There's a playlist on my iPod that holds eight songs that make me want to fall apart.

Plans by Birds of Tokyo.

We made plans to,
kiss the sun at night,
Hopeless dreamers,
Hopeless times.

Shedding skin you,
Show your beauty scars.
Don't forget me,
Or who you are.

The Shadowlands by Ryan Adams

God please bring the rain,
Yeah, bring it soon.
Let it flood right through the house and,
Into Judy's room.

Reach out into the darkness,
And find my little girl.

Most people never find the love,
Most people never find the love.
Sometimes you just can't be a man,
Sometimes you just can't be a man.

When your living in the darkness,
Of the Shadowlands.

Maybe Tomorrow by Stereophonics

So maybe tomorrow,
I'll find my way, home.

Don't Take Your Love Away by Jon Crosby

I'm looking for inspiration,
And I think I've found it in your heart.
It's the kind of thing you get when you're not looking,
It's the kind of thing you had from the start.

Please, don't take your love away from me.
Don't take your love away from me.

Please don't take your love from me.

Put me inside flesh that is dying,
A ghost that wanders without rest,
Buried by desires and weakness,
I understand.

The Approaching Curve by Rise Against

As we were,
So perfect, so happy.
I'll remember only our smiles,
'Cause that's all they'd seen.

Roadside by Rise Against

Tell me what,
I'm supposed to do,
With all these left over feelings,
Of you.

'Cause I don't know.

And tell me how,
I'm supposed to feel,
When all these nightmares,
Become real.

And I don't think,
You see,
The places inside me,
that I find you.

And I don't know,
How we,
woke up one day somehow thought we knew,
Exactly what we're supposed to do.

So leave me,
At the roadside.

Pink Bullets by The Shins

Over the ramparts,
you tossed,
the scent of your skin,
and some foreign flowers.

Since then it's been a book,
You read in reverse,
So you understand less as the pages turn.

I don't look back much,
As a rule.

But your memory is here,
And I'd like,
It to stay.

Warm light,
On a winter's day.

The Mess I Made by Parachute

Should have kissed you there,
I should have held your face,
I should have watched those eyes,
Instead of run in place.

But oh,
I'm staring at the mess I made.
I'm staring at the mess I made.
As you turn,
you take your heart,
and walk away.

These are my favourite lyrics from each song. The Approaching Curve in particular has some awesome ones I haven't put down. But each of these lines hit my core in ways I can't explain.

I believe in souls.

There will be more songs in this list one day I'm sure.

.I believe I am beautiful. And for now, that's all I need.

So..
Well a new post is long overdue, and I'm sorry for the wait if you've missed me. I have a lot to say, so this'll be a long one. I know how irritating massive posts can be but I'll try to keep it interesting.

It's been two weeks since my last post. A lot has happened. The last week of school I actually got some work done and finished off pretty well. The last day I wandered around a bit in the city with a friend, but there wasn't anything to do so I went to Pizza Friday instead. It was a lot more fun. I don't remember much of it, but it was good.
So now it's holidays. I dont remember much of the first weekend, let's see. Lost basketball again, or did we win? i think it was close. No, we lost. But if we had another player we woulda won. I also saw Tomorrow When The War Began. It was a good movie.
All of last week I had work experience at the Australian Services Union (ASU). I put away shopping, put stickers on bags, ate crackers, helped with the mail, went to meetings and did lots of filing. It wasn't too bad, but I shoulda been paid more :P. It was 9-5, when I got home I generally just played xbox. On Thursday night I went with my dad and brother to see a movie called Boy. It was pretty sad and though it was a good movie, it wasn't my kinda movie so I didn't really like it.
I thought up this phrase on the way to work one morning. Just popped into my head.

Red paint spills across my canvas, like blood from the anvil.

III thought it was brilliant. I guess it is meant to symbolise how what is defined as 'art' can be very broad and that an intricate painting on canvas can be compared to a sword finely made through a blacksmith's hard work. Or something. The sentence just feels...pure. Like it's mine, my own completely original idea.

So after work experience was the weekend of course. No basketball because it's the middle of the holidays, so I went to a friend's place on Saturday (ignoring the football) and when I got home another friend came and slept over. On Sunday we went bowling (3 games, I won the last one because he suddenly got really bad) then came home and hung out. This morning I got up around 930 and messed around while my friend slept. I walked with him to his house in the rain and waited at his place for it to stop raining. It didn't, so I just left. Finally, I played computer games instead of doing homework and then watched Good News Week. I love that show, it's brilliant.

Tomorrow I'm going to Northland for a bit, then I'll have to come home and do homework because on Wednesday I have a dentist appointment then a bunch of people coming round for a sleepover. I'm not sure if it'll be very fun, but with some luck everyone will be happy enough :S.

Friday I'm going to see Easy A with some friends, all other times will be homework, xbox and computer.

OK, that's my holidays, in short. New music is:

Dynamite by that radio person
Summer Of '69 by Bryan Adams
Fader by Temper Trap
Livin' On a Prayer by Bon Jovi
Father and Son by Bob Dylan
Flame Trees by Cold Chisel
Perseverance by Hatebreed (truly brilliant)
Love Dump by Static-X (cool intro)
Free Your Hate by KMFDM

So now what?
I'm reasonably happy, content at least.
For once, I don't have a crush, or a fixation. I have girls I think about, but not too intensely. Is this how it is for normal people? If love comes to me, I'll take it. But right now, like this is fine.

It's interesting you know. When I think about someone liking me, obsessing over me like I do when I have a crush, it just doesn't work. I can't imagine it. It's not a sad thing, I'm not saying I'm impossible to love or anything depressing, it's just that I truly can't picture it. I can't imagine me having sex or making out or anything like that. It just doesn't work in my head. I wonder..

I remember walking across the road on Bell Street, singing along to Run To The Hills by Iron Maiden on my iPod. I was probably horribly out of tune, but I couldn't hear it and no one else could and it just felt so freeing. A moment of pure bliss and innocence. I don't know what else to say.

The only thing that I still believe in is you. If you only knew. (This doesn't mean anything right now, the line just makes me smile)

"We are men, we are not beasts and we do not intend to be beaten and driven as such."

Sometimes my eyes look as blue as the sky. Sometimes they are as green as emeralds. And sometimes, just sometimes, they shine like the stars above.

When days feel like minutes and minutes feel like hours

So..
We are born with the belief that our fathers are gods, invincible, indestructible, immortal. Then we grow and realise that he is just a mortal man. And a little magic leaves the world.
I'm trying to write meaningful things, but I can't say it right. The ideas are delicate, if they aren't expressed properly, they lose meaning.

From my ideas book:
I want to live to live to see the day my son walks up to me and plays me a song I hadn't heard in 20 years. I want to be able to look at him and say "I remember when that came out." And I want to be able to tell him a story of forgotten summers, parties, beaches and girls.

Its like you go on this long journey and just end up back where you started, a little wiser, world-weary and alone again

I saw a man wearing a silver replica of the One Ring today! :D 29/7

You know you've cleaned your teeth properly when you draw blood.

Not a lover, not a fighter, not a thinker, not a doer, just a dreamer.

Hide your eyes behind your hair,
Take your sister to the fair,
She's young, she doesn't need to know,
The places her brother likes to go.

That last one was inspired by Catcher in the Rye believe it or not. Lost innocence and all that.
Dinner time. More later?

Man Overboard - Blink 182

So..

There's so much more that I wanted and
(So sorry it's over)
There's so much more that I needed and
(So sorry it's over)
Time keeps moving on and on and on
Soon we'll all be gone

Let's take some time to talk this over
You're out of line and rarely sober
We can't depend on your excuses
'Cause in the end it's fucking useless
You can only lean on me for so long
Bring the ship about to watch a friend drown
Sit out on the ledge, begged you to come down
You can only lean on me for so long

I remember shots without a chaser
Absentminded thoughts, now you're a stranger
Cover up the scars put on your gameface
Left you in the bar to try and save face

You can only lean on me for so long
Bring the ship about to watch a friend drown
Sit out on the ledge, begged you to come down
You can only lean on me for so long
So sorry it's over, so sorry it's over
There's so much more that I wanted and
(So sorry it's over)
There's so much more that I needed and
(So sorry it's over)
Time keeps moving on and on and on
Soon we'll all be gone

Man on a mission, can't say I miss him around
Insider information, hand in your resignation
Loss of a good friend best of intentions I found
Tight lipped procrastination
Yeah later, see you around

Now, bring me that horizon

So..
Before I go to bed, two things. This is Desiderata by Max Ehrmann, written in 1952:

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

The other thing is, if you're bored and have seven minutes to kill, listen to Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen) on Youtube. I reeaally like it.

"Me, I'm dishonest. And a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest—honestly! It's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly… stupid." Savvy?

"Gentlemen; m'lady. This is the day you will always remember as the day that you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow!"

Johnny Depp is a brilliant pirate. Go and watch it now.

Today is a winding road that's taking me to places that I didn't want to go

So..
I have 20 followers!!! Is that amazing or what? The music-loving Gabrielle has seen fit to join our motley crew, so (non-alcoholic) drinks all round!
In response to all your comments on my last post: I agree with your comments Lilah. I don't really have any comeback and I don't think one is necessary. And thanks for the compliment. Thanks to Erimentha for your compliments too, though I'm far from the coolest guy :D
s.k.y...people smile in photos because it's expected, because they're meant to and sometimes, because they're happy. I love photos because people never take pictures of me.

So what else is new? Lots of stuff. Most of you are probably having exams soon like me, except you're studying instead of looking on blogger aren't you? I stil have homework, which is very bad, but hey tomorrow is Friday...I'm a good procrastinator dammit.

Alestorm is 'pirate metal' and freaking awesome. listen to the song Keelhauled if you like that kind of thing. which I would say you don't? perhaps Don't Take Your Love Away by Jon Crosby is more your thing.

I'm listening to A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton over and over trying to remember the song lyric I was going to put as the title.

Do you like hugging? Hugging is awesome. I have said before I'm not gay, and I'm not, but I hug all my best mates at least once a day. And they let me because they know how weird I am like that. Of course hugging girls is completely different. I'm not good with the whole platonic-relationship-but-are-best-friends thing...yeah... Hugging is comforting, like just for a second everything is gonna be fine.

Umm.
Don't you love xkcd? mindless, yet intelligent humour.
I actually enjoyed The Hangover a lot, but I've been hearing a lot of negativity about it lately. Oh well.
But it didn't work. 5 times out of 5.
Do you have a happy place? I realised when I read this that I don't. There's no place in my head, real or imaginary that I can retreat to when the world is too much. No room in my house is sacred, no places to go outside. So, for now, I'm going to design the apartment I want to live in when I'm rich and happy. :)

Because sometimes you just couldn't care less. :)
And I think yours do too. But I can't see through the layers of meaning and I bet you don't even try to.
Some lines from Make Me Wanna Die by The Pretty Reckless. Pretty cool stuff.
Nothing new there. Just a new you.
I hope I am a friend like this. And I hope I get one.
Because it wasn't immediately obvious.
I think this is very clever. And true. And sad.
because no matter how fucked up things are, there is always cake.

I'm so so so so tired. Mentally and physically. Have a great weekend.

All I ever wanted, was to see you smiling.

So..
It's going to be a long time before I tell someone I love them again. Because I said it too much and even though I meant it, it lost all meaning.

Forfeit the game before somebody else,
Takes you out of the frame,
Puts your name to shame.
Cover up your face,
You can't run the race.
The pace is too fast,
You just won't last.

Penny for a dime

So..
I just read the lyrics for Kate Miller-Heidke's song Caught In The Crowd. I don't remember how it goes, but I remember the chorus. It made me want to cry. I used to be that boy. Sometimes I just want to curl up and cry my eyes out with all the pain and suffering and beauty and goodness in the world. It's late so I'm emotional. Especially after being hit with The Man Who Can't Be Moved followed by You Found Me on my iPod. I'm tired.
This is my secret: I fell in love for a night. She was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. Exotic and wild and she didn't know me so she thought I was cool and I don't know anything about her except her name and mobile number. And I'm not going to call her because I'm sure she's in a relationship and I'm scared and there's no real point because I don't know what she likes or what she's like when it isn't 7 o'clock at night in the holidays. So I'm waiting to forget. Because like I said, it's not love is it? It's desire. And I'm loving an idea, not a person.

Taint me with your colours,
Deep velvet wine.
Paint me as your lover,
Penny for a dime.

Goodnight. Thank you. Please don't hate me. And I'll regret this in the morning, and every day after, but I needed to say it. I was always selfish that way. Goodnight. I love you because you are all what makes this world so unbearably beautiful.

We fly stranger's flags

So..
I'm back from Canberra, and had a great time. I saw Rapskallion three times, The Ellis Collective two and a half times, Doc Jones twice, Mr Fibby three times, Emma Dean three times and Voss twice. I bought all their CD's except Mr Fibby and The Ellis Collective and had lots of fun.
On Saturday night at 10 30 I saw a band called Handsome Young Strangers, which was a bunch of 30-50 year olds (and a ten year old) singing old Australian songs while we danced. I've never danced so hard. Sunday morning, I got down off the double bed I was sleeping on and my Right leg literally wouldn't support my weight. A lot of fun though.
We(my family) were meant to leave Monday morning, missing out on the last day of the festival, but I decided to stay on my own and get the bus home. I thoroughly enjoyed the last few festivities and made some new friends, but unfortunately I had to leave early for the bus.
The bus was pretty bad. I dozed most of the time and watched Night At The Museum. It was a pretty annoying trip and I was so tired when I got to Southern Cross I was moving at like, 0.5k/h.
I spent lots of time on my own, but I didn't mind it for once. My brother has given me his crappy guitar, so I'm kinda learning. I'm never going to perform or anything, but it's kinda fun to practise.

I thought I did it right,
I thought I'd win for sure.
But I still lost the race,
Had to give up the chase.
I guess I'll just practise some more.
-my little ditty

Poor Old Ned!
You're better off dead!
At least you'll get some peace of mind!
You're out on the track!
You're out on you're back!
Boy, they're gonna HANG YOU DRY!
-Chorus of song played by Handsome Young Strangers, basically screamed by us dancers.

And when they dance,
Their dresses spin round.
Travel so lightly,
They scarce touch the ground.
Smiles on their faces,
Could win any crowd.
It's the lasses who dance,
'Til the morning.
-A beautiful contemporary folk song covered by Jewelled Mat, which I loved.