Tuesday, June 1, 2010

If we're the flagship of peace and prosperity, we're taking on water and about to fucking sink.

I have exams in two days so this is going to be my last post for a while. I'm sick (again) but its really bad because it means I'm not going to be in good condition for exams. Plus I haven't been revising like I should.

I feel so alone at times like this. Sleep is escape and I haven't been getting enough.
Sitting in my lounge room thinking of you and you and them and her and him and everyone I know and how they're happy and angry and sad and upset and how can you say miracles don't exist?

In other news, I bought a new CD. Siren Song Of The Counter Culture by Rise Against is amazing. But my mum hates it. Go figure.

I'm jealous of my friends because they're ready for exams. because they can actually focus and concentrate on the important things. Because I just found out one of my best mates is so much better than me at drawing and I thought I was good and now I know I'm not. I'm jealous of the lovers and the couples. I envy kisses behind sheds and holding hands in the corridors. I hate this jealousy.

Do you think of me anymore? I remember when all I wanted was for you to know I existed. Then I wanted you to be my friend. Then I just wanted to see you always. Then I wanted your friendship. Then I expected your love. Now I expect it again, but it's not any more realistic than it was before. I miss you. No screw that. I want you here. Any you. Don't forget me.

Everything seemed so simple when I was...five. Then it just got complicated.
So come and meet me after dark sometime and I swear you'll have fun.But how will you ever know?

So anyway. Forget my torment, I already am. Good luck on your exams if you have them. Get some sleep. Live your life free of complication.


Camelgirl said...


Erimentha said...

:) love this post.

sucks your sick and your mum hates your (good) music and that exams are upcoming and you need her, them, us.

but...it WAS a fantastic post.

hope it made you feel better writing it, as it did reading it.