Tuesday, September 6, 2011

I couldn't think of a title so I'm just going to keep writing here until I finish my sentence.

I say sometimes alot on here. I think. I haven't actually double checked that, but from memory "alot" seems acceptable. For some reason I think "alot" is one word. Don't know why. It isn't. Anyway. Here's another Sometimes.

Sometimes you have a moment, or you see something, or you hear something, or whatever, that you know is good. Wholly good, intrinsically good, good because it is good and that is what it is and it could never have not been good. And you just know it's good, without asking or double checking with someone else. You just know. Or so I'm told.
That sounded better in my head. Is it weird that I believe in souls, but not the afterlife? Aren't they intrinsically (intrinsic is such an awesome word) linked? Is it possible to have one without the other? Evidently, if I think so.

I'm tired and I hate people. It's a pretty shit feeling to know that your family loves you because you're related to them and they have to and not because you're actually worth loving. I should stop sounding so depressed. I'm not that depressed. Just tired. Tired and lonely. I can't exactly pinpoint when this change started. I don't remember, though it can't have been more that a month ago. Funny how memory works.
I don't want to dream of kisses and happy endings any more because the thing about dreams is, you wake up. Maybe I need a change. Maybe I'm scared to change.

It's so boring being me. Or is it just boring to other people? I hate how I sound on this blog. Alternatively depressed and happy and informative and reflective and whatever, but no matter what exactly I'm feeling, I always have all the time I want to say it on here. And that's not how it works in the real world. I should stop talking now. Stupid internet.

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