Wednesday, April 25, 2012

I thought I would be able to go to sleep listening to the rain, but then I realised the "rain" noise was my computer

I don't have a bad life. I live in a good house, I have good friends. I don't have to work if I don't want to, I have access to more food than I need. If I'm cold I have a heater and warm clothes. If I'm hot I can put the cooler on, or go outside and relax in the sun. I can go to the pool, the library, the shops, the bowling alley. I'm not restricted or trapped. I have the power to make changes in my own life. I have a bed to sleep in, a roof over my head, music and games and movies. I have technology, and the world at my fingertips. I am happy, and when I'm not I will be soon enough. I've never starved, or been afraid to fall asleep, or begged for money, food, shelter. I have the luxury of not getting what I want because I have all I need. I could pick any goal to work towards, and have a decent chance of getting there. And like everyone in my position, I want more.

I haven't met someone new I considered beautiful for a long time. I'd like to I suppose. I miss the excitement, the heady joy of being in love and the amazing possibility of being loved back. I miss that. Sometimes (often) I think of the times when I was in love, and loved. But I've burned those bridges and need some more to cross. Ah fuck. I didn't want to do a post like this. I hate myself.

I just wanted to let you know I bought Viva La Vida or Death and All His Friends by Coldplay today for ten dollars. It reminded me of the song Violet Hill, which is on it. I can't remember who I used to think about when I sang that song. I don't know who to think about now.

If I could have the names tattooed on my skin
of all the people 
I have ever loved,

whether fiercely or simply
because of a single glance
exchanged across a crowd,
or the brush of fingertips
accidentally exchanged
across a table.
Then maybe when I die
they will look at my body
and say he loved many,
and if the reasons I loved them,
were there as well,
then my entire body
shall be covered with ink -
evidence of love
and being loved,
proof of a life
lived in love
shall be written
all over my skin.

-P.S. I am Me



Camelgirl said...

aw Jokerman. Did you write the stuff that is in italics? FANTASTIC> <3

Jokerman said...

Lol no, P.S. I am Me at did silly.