Philosophy?

The following was on the last page of one of my philosophy handouts.

CAPITALISM

You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

FASCISM

You have two cows. the government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM

You have two cows. Your neighbours help you take care of them and you all share the milk.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM

You have two cows. You have to take care of them but the government takes all the milk.

DICTATORSHIP

You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY

You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed animals in an apartment.

MILITARISM

You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY

You have two cows. Your neighbours decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY

You have two cows. Your neighbours pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY

The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".

BRITISH DEMOCRACY

You have two cows. You feed them sheep brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.

BUREAUCRACY

You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms to account for the missing cows.

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

After reading the last one I spent five minutes in class laughing uncontrollably while everyone gave me funny looks and the teacher pretended not to notice.